IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that our personalities are formed at birth, and other believe they come from life experience. Discuss both of these views and give your opinion.

Many learned
people
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 have said that
personalities
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 are the summary of one's
life
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. It is argued by a few
people
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 that
personalities
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 are formed at birth, while there are
also
Linking Words
 some who believe that
life
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experiences
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 play an important role in shaping
the
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apply
show examples
personalities
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.
This
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 essay will outline the argument around both
the
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apply
show examples
views and will explain why the
later
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latter
show examples
 one is correct. There is a
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preconceived
pre conceived
preconcieved
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preconceived
 notion about genetics that it plays the main role in every aspect of human
life
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, including forming
the
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apply
show examples
personalities
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. It is,
however
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, not found to be true about the softer aspect of human
life
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 like
the
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apply
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language skills,
personalities
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 and behaviours. A person,
for instance
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, whose father
have
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has
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 been extremely
introvert
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introverted
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, might
turns
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turn
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 out to be a social and an extrovert because of his
life
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experiences
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. Clearly, it is the
life
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experiences
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 that
shapes
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shape
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 the personality of a person.
Life
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experiences
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 of a small baby
starts
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start
show examples
 from the moment they are born. Every situation happening around them and the way
people
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 are talking and behaving to each other is
an
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apply
show examples
input to their mind about how
this
Linking Words
 world functions.
Moreover
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, most
of
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apply
show examples
the
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apply
show examples
people
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 will not even realize it, but they are already contributing
in
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to
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 shaping the
personalities
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 of
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 ones around them. It has been observed,
for example
Linking Words
, about
the
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apply
show examples
people
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 who are found to be
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aggressive
aggresive
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aggressive
 in nature that
they
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apply
show examples
have lived or seen an abusive childhood.
Hence
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, it becomes even more important for everyone to be aware of
our
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their
show examples
 own personality
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because
beacuse
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because
,
unconsiously
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unconsciously
, we are shaping someone else's too. In
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conclusion
conslusion
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conclusion
,
this
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 debate about whether
the
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apply
show examples
personalities
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 are
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
formed at birth or it is being shaped by
life
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experiences
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have
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has
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 gone on long enough. In my opinion, contrary to
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Change noun form
people's
show examples
people'
Correct your spelling
people's
show examples
 belief about
personalities
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 being created at birth, it is
the
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apply
show examples
life
Use synonyms
experiences
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 that
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 the major contribution in shaping
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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