IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people feel that entertainers (film stars, pop musicians, sports stars) are paid too much money. Do u agree or disagree? Which other types of jobs should be highly paid?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Nowadays,
plethora
Add an article
a plethora
the plethora
show examples
 of people would like to become an artist for the sake of profitable earnings or an opportunity to become a famous character.
Body paragraph 1
I truly believe that celebrities earn way
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
 much money
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 they should.
Body paragraph 2
Firstly
Linking Words
, ale over the world we have so many occupations which should be more appreciatable.
Body paragraph 3
For instance
Linking Words
, a sales assistant job may be reliably exhausting
Body paragraph 4
Moreover
Linking Words
; that
person
Use synonyms
 needs to handle with unpolite behaviour of customers, who can be even
Correct your spelling
aggressive
agressive
Correct your spelling
aggressive
.
Body paragraph 5
Secondly
Linking Words
, being minor is associated with
unbelivebely
Correct your spelling
unbelievably
 risk. The
person
Use synonyms
 who is
decesive
Correct your spelling
decisive
 to do that type of job has to be really strong and open-minded
in
Change preposition
as
show examples
 opposed to actor or pop musicians who
doesn't
Change the verb form
don't
show examples
 have to risk their
life
Replace the word
lives
show examples
, but their
payment
Replace the word
pay
show examples
 is much bigger.
Body paragraph 6
On the other hand
Linking Words
, becoming an
enterteiners
Correct your spelling
entertainers
entertainer
 affect
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their private life.
Undoubtly
Correct your spelling
Undoubtedly
, being a public
person
Use synonyms
 is not easy for the sake of
Correct your spelling
paparazzi
papparazzi
Correct article usage
the papparazzi
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 desire to follow every
stape
Correct your spelling
stage
show examples
 of the famous
person
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 7
Althought
Correct your spelling
Although
, if somebody is
resorceful
Correct your spelling
resourceful
, well-
ballanced
Correct your spelling
balanced
 and smart undoublty can handle
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
many affairs.
Conclusion
In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 not only entertainers should be well-paid,
Correct your spelling
because
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
 other occupations sometimes are more significant and treasured. I hope
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
that one day it will change and employers will start to appreciate
hard
Correct article usage
the hard
show examples
 work of their
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
    What to do next:
    Look at other essays: