IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people feel that entertainers (film stars, pop musicians, sports stars) are paid too much money. Do u agree or disagree? Which other types of jobs should be highly paid?

#people #entertainers #film #stars #pop #musicians #sports #money #jobs
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Nowadays,
plethora
Add an article
a plethora
the plethora
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 of people would like to become an artist for the sake of profitable earnings or an opportunity to become a famous character. I truly believe that celebrities earn way
to
Replace the word
too
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 much money
that
Correct word choice
than
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 they should.
Firstly
Linking Words
, ale over the world we have so many occupations which should be more appreciatable.
For instance
Linking Words
, a sales assistant job may be reliably exhausting
Moreover
Linking Words
; that
person
Use synonyms
 needs to handle with unpolite behaviour of customers, who can be even
Correct your spelling
aggressive
agressive
Correct your spelling
aggressive
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, being minor is associated with
unbelivebely
Correct your spelling
unbelievably
 risk. The
person
Use synonyms
 who is
decesive
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decisive
 to do that type of job has to be really strong and open-minded
in
Change preposition
as
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 opposed to actor or pop musicians who
doesn't
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don't
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 have to risk their
life
Replace the word
lives
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, but their
payment
Replace the word
pay
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 is much bigger.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, becoming an
enterteiners
Correct your spelling
entertainers
entertainer
 affect
on
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apply
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their private life.
Undoubtly
Correct your spelling
Undoubtedly
, being a public
person
Use synonyms
 is not easy for the sake of
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paparazzi
papparazzi
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the papparazzi
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which
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 desire to follow every
stape
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stage
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 of the famous
person
Use synonyms
.
Althought
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Although
, if somebody is
resorceful
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resourceful
, well-
ballanced
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balanced
 and smart undoublty can handle
with
Change preposition
apply
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many affairs. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
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 not only entertainers should be well-paid,
Correct your spelling
because
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
 other occupations sometimes are more significant and treasured. I hope
so
Correct word choice
apply
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that one day it will change and employers will start to appreciate
hard
Correct article usage
the hard
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 work of their
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
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.
Submitted by kornacka.adrianna on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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