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Band 3.5

Parents should encourage children to spend less time in studies and more time in physical activities. To what extent do you agree?

#parents #children #time #studies #activities
In recent
generation
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
show examples
, no one can deny that guardians encourage their kids more in physical exercise when compared to education. I strong agree
to
Change preposition
with
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 the point of spending time
in
Change preposition
on
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sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
activities
. I will discuss my views in the upcoming paragraphs with relevant examples.
To begin
 with, nowadays parents are more concerned about their
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 health. They want them to get engaged in physical
activities
 like running, trekking, sports, gym and many
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
. Swimming is
also
 one among them which is popularly
like
Wrong verb form
liked
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 by our new generation
kids
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of kids
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.
This
 keeps their mind
refresh
Wrong verb form
refreshed
show examples
 and
stress free
Add a hyphen
stress-free
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, not only but
also
 healthy.
Hence
 it is very crucial to take part in
such
activities
 which
creates
Correct subject-verb agreement
create
show examples
 a positive impact on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
Besides
 that, it prevents us from chronic ailments.
On the other hand
, some parents claim that studies play a vital role in their life and they are focussed on
the
Change the word
their
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 career. For getting
better
Correct article usage
a better
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 placement or job, we should score high. Individuals should earn these days to compensate
the
Change preposition
for the
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 expenses today. It broadens their mental horizon. It improves the ability of thinking and
behaviour
Correct article usage
the behaviour
show examples
 of a person.
Therefore
, studies
seems
Change the verb form
seem
show examples
 to have a successful impact on background of the society. To recapitulate, I remember the proverb "Health is Wealth ". As of concerned, both learning and
activities
 have
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
 approach towards each other. But
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
overall health comes
first
. The advantages of physical
activities
 overweighs the studies.
Submitted by preethikrish444 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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