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Band 3.5

Some people say that in the modern world it is very difficult for people to have a healthy lifestyle. Others, however, say that it is easy for people to be healthy and fit if they want to be. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #world #lifestyle
Nowadays, more and more
people
 don’t care about their
health
,
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 they have
unhealthy
Add an article
an unhealthy
show examples
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
, like eating junk food usually, staying up too late and so on. These years,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
apps like ‘meituan’were developed quickly. That made
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
satisfy
Wrong verb form
satisfied
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 because of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
confident
Replace the word
confidence
show examples
.
However
, they helped
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 to take junk food easier and faster. In fact, most of
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
 around
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
me are like
this
, but a few of them still keep
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
 eating habits. They just take junk food several times a year. So I think that
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 an
Correct your spelling
unhealthy
show examples
unhealth
Correct your spelling
unhealthy
show examples
 lifestyle is normal, but it could be changed if they want to be healthy and fit.
On the other hand
, I think it is not easy for
people
 to be
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
 and fit
although
 they want to be. They have to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
exercise or diet every day until they feel satisfied.
For example
, about three years ago, my cousin had 80 kg but just over 170 cm. He really has
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 strong mind. He run along the
center
Replace the word
central
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 street every morning
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and didn’t get the
carbonhydrates
Correct your spelling
carbohydrates
 for 6 months. One year later, he had
loss
Replace the word
lost
show examples
 weight successfully – he just had 60 kg.
From my
Change preposition
My
show examples
 cousin,
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
we can have a
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
 lifestyle in the modern world, which makes us more healthy and
confident
Correct quantifier usage
more confident
show examples
.
Nevertheless
, we must take much effort
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 it.
The anything
Correct article usage
Anything
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
we want to do couldn’t be easy, we just work harder,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 result would be better.
Submitted by melindaguan0704 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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