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Band 5

Some people think that the government should increase tax on unhealthy food to encourage people to start eating healthily. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #government #tax #food
Nowadays many
people
 suffer from unhealthy
food
,
also
 known as junk
food
. In
this
case
Add a comma
,case
show examples
people
 want
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 to make
tax
Correct article usage
the tax
show examples
 on unhealthy
food
 even bigger
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 than it is now. In theory, it could help them to stop eating it and make a decision
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 healthy
food
. On
other
Change the wording
another hand
other hands
show examples
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 no
one
 should limit
person's
Correct article usage
a person's
show examples
 right
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 eating whatever person wants and, obviously no
one
 should use methods
such
 as
this
one
, because
people
's rage may cause serious problems. To be honest, I do not understand
this
 desire for a bigger tax. For reason behind
this
 is that it may not be effective and
also
 may be incorrect. Unfortunately, junk
food
 is a part of
culture
Add an article
the culture
show examples
 in many different countries,
for
instance
Add the comma(s)
,instance
show examples
 the US or the UK. Taking fast
food
 out can be compared to cancelling cinema
theaters
Change the spelling
theatres
show examples
 or museums,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 I am not even sure that museums are as popular as
fast
Add a hyphen
fast-food
show examples
food
 restaurants.
Furthermore
Add a comma
,Furthermore
show examples
 big
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
 can cause
closing
Correct article usage
the closing
show examples
many
Change preposition
of many
show examples
 of them,
what
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 means
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unemployment and potential poverty problems. The only way,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
only solution I see is a simple
populariazation
Correct your spelling
popularization
polarization
 of sports activities and healthy
food
. Actually, in our modern world sports activities are very popular, yet many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
overweight
people
 just do not have enough motivation, but lack of motivation is
much
Correct article usage
a much
show examples
 less difficult problem to solve, rather than possible multiple unemployment.
In addition
, according to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Yale university's research,
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
people
 is decreasing each year. It may be concluded from statistics that at least five
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 want an change their lifestyle. To conclude, I genuinely do not support
this
 offer. It is not
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
one
 and it would not change anything. Taxes are not the way, but sports are. Each person should decide
to
Correct word choice
whether to
show examples
 refuse or not by himself or herself.
Submitted by Allazhar on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • unhealthy food
  • junk food
  • calorie-dense
  • taxing
  • incentivize
  • manufacturers
  • prohibitively expensive
  • disproportionately
  • low-income households
  • healthcare costs
  • obesity
  • diet-related diseases
  • punitive measures
  • lifestyle choices
  • government intervention
  • food industry
  • economic impact
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