IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#job #salary #consideration
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Many
people
 choose their jobs based on the size of the salary offered. I believe that
money
 is an important consideration when deciding on a career, but other factors are
also
 important. On the one hand, I agree that
money
 is necessary in order for
people
 to meet their basic needs.
For example
, we all need
money
 to pay for housing, food, bills, health care, and education. Most
people
 consider it a priority to at least earn a salary that allows them to cover these needs and have a reasonable quality of life. If
people
chose
Wrong verb form
choose
show examples
 their jobs based on enjoyment or other non-financial factors, they might find it difficult to support themselves. Artists and musicians,
for instance
, are known for choosing a career path that they love, but that does not always provide them with enough
money
 to live comfortably and raise a family.
On the other hand
, I believe that other considerations are just as important as what we earn in our jobs.
Firstly
, personal relationships and the atmosphere in a workplace are extremely important when choosing a job. Having a good manager or friendly colleagues,
for example
, can make a huge difference to workers’ levels of happiness and general quality of life.
Secondly
, many
people
’s feelings of job satisfaction come from their professional achievements, the skills they learn, and the position they reach, rather than the
money
 they earn. some
people
 choose a career because they want to help others and contribute something positive to society. In conclusion,
although
 salaries certainly affect
people
’s choice of profession, there are considerations that are of equal importance.
Submitted by Negar_seddigh on

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coherence cohesion
The essay could be even stronger if it included a transitional sentence linking the two main points in the body paragraphs. This would enhance the flow between ideas.
grammar
Avoid minor grammatical errors to make the essay flawless. For instance, capitalize the first letter of sentences consistently such as 'some people choose...' should be 'Some people choose...'.
lexical resource
To augment the strength of your perspectives, you can include more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures.
task response
The essay presents a clear and well-structured response to the prompt, addressing both the importance of salary and other crucial factors when choosing a job.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure is maintained throughout the essay with clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
The usage of specific examples like artists and musicians to support your points is quite effective.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consideration
  • sole factor
  • financial stability
  • security
  • motivating factor
  • dissatisfaction
  • demotivation
  • job satisfaction
  • overall well-being
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • flexible working hours
  • vacations
  • career growth opportunities
  • skill development
  • advancement
  • determining factor
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