IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that shops should not be allowed to sell food or drinks that are scientifically proven to be bad for people's health. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #shops #food #drinks #health
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Nowadays, the world is chasing the pavements of success and they do not have much time to prepare
food
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 at home;
therefore
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, they purchase fast and junk meals from shops, which is harmful to health.
Thus
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, the sale and purchase of
such
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 items should be prohibited. I strongly favour the point and related ideas would be captivated in the following paragraphs along with the conclusion. Health is wealth, before intaking pre-prepared meals, one should think twice as it can adversely affect mental ability, particularly of students.
For instance
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, when the children of affluent people have pre-cooked meals in excessive amounts; their eyesight gets lowered, which hinders them to get higher scores in academics;
as a result
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, they cannot concentrate to study properly.
In addition
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 to
this
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, obese people have to face the mockery of their neighbours.
Although
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 some famous cuisine brands claim that they provide healthy bread in the packets as per the higher authorities' rules and regulations, in fact, they keep the governments in dark by labelling healthy
food
Use synonyms
 on unhealthy
food
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 packets. Some companies, to cite an example, sell fast
food
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 like potato chips, which gives birth to various ailments
such
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 as cancer and their life may become like a paralyzed person who is unable to walk and has to suffer severe diseases throughout his life, even may have to face death. In conclusion,
although
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 there are numerous disadvantages of intaking an unhealthy meal, its deliciousness cannot be neglected; due to that, most people have it.
Thus
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, families should pay heed to their health before having
such
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 cuisine and associated diseases.
Submitted by jatinderpanaich328 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • scientifically proven
  • bad for people's health
  • shops
  • allowed
  • disagree
  • freedom
  • choices
  • consume
  • banning
  • products
  • focus
  • educating
  • regulations
  • guidelines
  • nutritional information
  • packaging
  • promote
  • balanced diet
  • encourage
  • healthier choices
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