IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some believe that younger family members should be legally responsible for supporting older family members when they become physically, mentally and financially unable to look after themselves.To what extent do you agree?

#believe #members
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We have various duties in our whole
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 from
the
Change the word
our
show examples
 personal life to the social
community
Use synonyms
. It is a common
believe
Replace the word
belief
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 that the younger generation ought to
very
Add a missing verb
be very
show examples
 careful
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their former generation,
specially
Replace the word
especially
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, when they become old, and
week
Correct your spelling
weak
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 both mentally
or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 physically. I partially agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement.
This
Linking Words
 disquisition will delineate why young
people
Use synonyms
 should take care
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 aged
people
Use synonyms
 and how government can help the older
community
Use synonyms
. To commence with, nurturing the grey-headed group is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
must
Correct your spelling
most
show examples
 duty for the young team. To elaborate, when these young black-headed
people
Use synonyms
 were
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
, the present older members were so careful about them and tried to nurture
with
Correct pronoun usage
them with
show examples
 the full of facilities within their ability. So, they deserve assistance
as a result
Linking Words
 of their work from the younger.
For example
Linking Words
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Bangladeshi citizens look after their father and mother in their
last
Linking Words
 stage of life in
light
Add an article
the light
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fact
Correct article usage
the fact
show examples
 that they count it as a part of their responsibility.
Thus
Linking Words
, several countries around the world try to aware their schoolchildren
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the future duties
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, sometimes caring the older
people
Use synonyms
 become so hard in terms of
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
. On the hand, the government should spend some money
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their senior citizen. To clarify, the poor
community
Use synonyms
 are not able to give proper facilities to their previous family members due to the financial crisis.
For instance
Linking Words
,
Japan
Replace the word
Japanese
show examples
 government authorities always support their grey-headed
people
Use synonyms
 by providing money, and free treatment.
Hence
Linking Words
, the local authorities should sanction
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 facilities for the senior, which is ultimately very helpful to their family. To conclude, the junior
community
Use synonyms
 should help and nurture their elderly member as a human common duty within their economical limit,
although
Linking Words
country’s
Correct article usage
the country’s
show examples
 management ought to grant different
scheme
Fix the agreement mistake
schemes
show examples
 to aid the older inhabitant.
Submitted by rownoak.rouf on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • filial piety
  • elder care
  • aging population
  • public resources
  • state welfare
  • financial burden
  • legal mandate
  • family dynamics
  • moral responsibility
  • residency
  • integrity
  • dependency
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