In many countries people have to go away from their family and friends to find the work. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays,

Jobs

Change the noun form

Job

show examples

opportunities will decline in some nations and individuals will go away from their family and friends to search a high-paid

work

. There are a few advantages and disadvantages as well I will discuss in the upcoming paragraphs.

To begin

,with the advantages, In

this

modern world technology is advancing day by day and poor regions will not develop and their new youths will prefer to go to

work

outside of their country.

In other words

, These days jobs will require high qualifications

instead

of job experience for their employees because they need to grow their company value and they hire new workers from other countries

such

as Africa.

For example

In south

Correct your spelling

in South

show examples

Africa

Add a comma

Africa,

show examples

news channels reveal headlines their citizens have a lot of jobs offered by other worlds and they will go to their tasks and they will forget their families and it has an effect on their nation and community.

Thus

, It is important to

work

for everyone but it doesn't mean they will ignore their past supporters

such

as guardians. To commence with the disadvantages, It affects their region's economy because their younger workers think they will not

responsible

Add a missing verb

be responsible

show examples

for their development and it will affect their nations. To explain, Their own regional company will not

support

Wrong verb form

be supported

show examples

by their society

due to

they will

Rephrase

not be

show examples

interested

Change preposition

in working

show examples

work

abroad and they will not have any feelings for their home country and it huge impact on their state's recession.

For instance

, In the UK authority will declare that their new individual will not be permitted to

work

far away from their family and they will introduce new rules

such

as Families every person will follow

this

law it is good for their nation and society.

Hence

, It is good to

work

for their home country because they will increase their region's growth. In conclusion,

Although

it is an essential part of life to connect with family and friends

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

it is good to

work

on their own.

Moreover

, it is not good to complete tasks outside of nations because it will affect family emotions.

Submitted by razab5469 on Sat Oct 22 2022

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task achievement

Ensure that you fully address all parts of the task. The introduction should set the tone for the essay, and the conclusion should summarize the main points discussed, drawing a clear and logical end to the discussion.

task achievement

Expand on your main points with clearer and more specific examples. This will make your argument stronger and more convincing.

coherence and cohesion

Work on the logical flow of your essay. The transition between ideas should be smooth and natural, and paragraphs should connect well to each other.

coherence and cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph discusses one main idea and that this main idea is clearly introduced and separated from other points. This will make your essay more coherent.

coherence and cohesion

Proofread your essay to correct grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. This will improve the readability and professionalism of your writing.

coherence and cohesion

Include more linking words and phrases to help guide the reader through your arguments and the structure of your essay.

coherence and cohesion

The essay offers a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

task achievement

The writer discusses both advantages and disadvantages of the topic, showing an understanding of the task requirements.

task achievement

There is a genuine effort to support points with examples, which helps to illustrate the arguments being made.

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

347 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In many countries people have to go away from their family and friends to find the work. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

With the increasing demand for energy sources of oil and gas, people should look for sources of oil and gas in remote and untouched natural places. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages of damaging such areas？

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