IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#countries #people #products #world #development
Today we can see many signs of globalization in different aspect of
societies
Fix the agreement mistake
society
show examples
;
product’s
Change noun form
product
show examples
 similarities in
selling
Correct article usage
the selling
show examples
system
 in various
countries
 is one of the effects of
this
 phenomenon, which gives an opportunity to
people
 around the
world
 to buy
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 goods. I will argue that
although
this
 similarity has some negative effects, it can
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 important positive consequences.
First
 of all,
this
 development
reduce
Change the verb form
reduces
show examples
 discrimination in
third
Add a hyphen
third-world
show examples
world
countries
 around the
world
. The selling
system
 in developing
countries
 is weak and their national
products
 have low quality; by inter international goods in their selling
system
,
people
 can buy
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
products
.
Secondly
, through
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 accessible universal
products
, national companies get into
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
competition, which
force
Change the verb form
forces
show examples
 them to improve their standards.
Finally
,
this
 similarity cause closeness
of
Change preposition
among
show examples
 the citizens of the global village;
residences
Replace the word
residents
show examples
 can share their experiences
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 others, and they feel they are similar to each other.
On the other hand
,
this
 phenomenon has some negative consequences on
national
Add an article
the national
show examples
 economy of small
countries
.
For instance
, many
people
 produce special
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of
products
, which produce in small studios; through
this
 development,
people
 don’t buy their goods anymore, because they are not enough good in
compare
Replace the word
comparison
show examples
 to foreign
products
. Inflation is another negative effect of globalization
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
selling
Correct article usage
the selling
show examples
system
:
products
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 abroad
countries
 are expensive in developing
countries
 and Importing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these
products
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 the inflation rate. Culture is another important factor that may
affected
Change the verb form
be affected
show examples
 by
this
 selling
system
;
for example
, during
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
the
Correct your spelling
this
show examples
 time,
new
Correct article usage
the new
show examples
 generation
forget
Change the verb form
forgets
show examples
 about their traditional clothes and replace
T-shirt
Fix the agreement mistake
T-shirts
show examples
 and jeans
instead
 of them. In conclusion,
although
 globalization in selling
system
 and similarity in
products
 around the
world
 has some negative aspects, I believe that positive points overcome its drawbacks
Submitted by naderiazin on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • globalization
  • diversity
  • homogenization
  • cultural assimilation
  • global connection
  • local businesses
  • economic impact
  • consumerism
  • standardization
  • westernization
What to do next:
Look at other essays: