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Writing Samples
Band 5

The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some think this problem is due to fast food outlets.Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their child health. Do what extent do you agree or disagree

#children #countries #think #food #outlets #parents #child #health
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In the modern, obesity among
kids
 in developed countries is increasing. some
people
 believe that
this
 issue is causing
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
unhealthy
food
 branches. other think that
parents
 should be responsible for looking after children to their health.
However
, I completely agree with the statement that
parents
 do not pay
attention
 to their
kids
Change to a genitive case
kid's
kids'
show examples
health. In
this
 essay give your personal point of view and the contrary as well.
To begin
 with, the vast majority of
people
 believe that
parents
 do not give
attention
 to their
kids
.
parents
 are responsible to look after their activities and provide them
a
Add the preposition
with a
show examples
portion of healthy
foodfood
Correct your spelling
food food
good food
. fast
food
 is not
issue
Correct article usage
an issue
show examples
parents
 do not go their
kids
 to parks and give more value to physical activities.
In other words
,
parents
 have busy schedules so they do not pay
attention
 to their
kids
.
parents
 are fully
responsibilities
Replace the word
responsible
show examples
 for
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 should
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
take
their
Correct the word
theirs
show examples
 in Pakistan.
For instance
, my cousin's
parents
 provide
his
Correct pronoun usage
him
show examples
 with video
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
 and do not look after about
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
.
parents
 do not go to parks with
kids
.
Moreover
, I support the idea because of several reasons.
parents
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not make restrictive tables for their
kids
.
In other words
, most
parents
 do not
spoke
Change the verb form
speak
show examples
 a single about their table because proper sleep hours are important for
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
 lifestyle.
For example
, my
parents
 never say anything about my
timetabletable
Correct your spelling
timetable table
. I midnight not say anything which
causes
 unhealthy life.
on the other hand
,
people
 who support the idea of the problem are due to different
outlets
 of fast
food
. children choose
food
 fast
outlets
 rather than home
food
 because
food
 has more oil in
food
 which
causes
 overweight among the younger.
For instance
, KFC provides too much oil in their chicken pieces which
causes
 fat.
Moreover
,
people
 believe that obesity is caused because of different
outlets
.
people
 do not provide healthy
food
 outside and everyone
preference
Replace the word
prefers
show examples
fast
food
. due to
food
 fast
outlets
present
Wrong verb form
presenting
show examples
food
 in
such
 a beautiful way that
people
 attack
food
 which
causes
 obesity. to sum up, the vast majority of
people
 think that
outweigh
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweighs
show examples
 due to fast
food
.
other thing
Change the wording
another thing
other things
show examples
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
parents
 do not pay
attention
 to their
kids
. because they
doesnot
Correct your spelling
does not
doesn't
 pay for physical activities and restrict table to their
parents
.
Submitted by aahil922 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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