The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some think this problem is due to fast food outlets.Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their child health. Do what extent do you agree or disagree

#children #countries #think #food #outlets #parents #child #health

In the modern, obesity among

kids

in developed countries is increasing. some

people

believe that

this

issue is causing

Change preposition

apply

show examples

unhealthy

food

branches. other think that

parents

should be responsible for looking after children to their health.

However

, I completely agree with the statement that

parents

do not pay

attention

to their

kids

Change to a genitive case

kid's

kids'

show examples

health. In

this

essay give your personal point of view and the contrary as well.

To begin

with, the vast majority of

people

believe that

parents

do not give

attention

to their

kids

parents

are responsible to look after their activities and provide them

Add the preposition

with a

show examples

portion of healthy

foodfood

Correct your spelling

food food

good food

. fast

food

is not

issue

Correct article usage

an issue

show examples

parents

do not go their

kids

to parks and give more value to physical activities.

In other words

parents

have busy schedules so they do not pay

attention

to their

kids

parents

are fully

responsibilities

Replace the word

responsible

show examples

for

there

Correct your spelling

their

show examples

should

Change the verb form

apply

show examples

take

their

Correct the word

theirs

show examples

in Pakistan.

For instance

, my cousin's

parents

provide

his

Correct pronoun usage

him

show examples

with video

game

Fix the agreement mistake

games

show examples

and do not look after about

meal

Fix the agreement mistake

meals

show examples

parents

do not go to parks with

kids

Moreover

, I support the idea because of several reasons.

parents

does

Change the verb form

show examples

not make restrictive tables for their

kids

In other words

, most

parents

do not

spoke

Change the verb form

speak

show examples

a single about their table because proper sleep hours are important for

healthy

Add an article

a healthy

show examples

lifestyle.

For example

, my

parents

never say anything about my

timetabletable

Correct your spelling

timetable table

. I midnight not say anything which

causes

unhealthy life.

on the other hand

people

who support the idea of the problem are due to different

outlets

of fast

food

. children choose

food

fast

outlets

rather than home

food

because

food

has more oil in

food

which

causes

overweight among the younger.

For instance

, KFC provides too much oil in their chicken pieces which

causes

fat.

Moreover

people

believe that obesity is caused because of different

outlets

people

do not provide healthy

food

outside and everyone

preference

Replace the word

prefers

show examples

fast

food

. due to

food

fast

outlets

present

Wrong verb form

presenting

show examples

food

such

a beautiful way that

people

attack

food

which

causes

obesity. to sum up, the vast majority of

people

think that

outweigh

Correct subject-verb agreement

outweighs

show examples

due to fast

food

other thing

Change the wording

another thing

other things

show examples

that

Add a missing verb

is that

show examples

parents

do not pay

attention

to their

kids

. because they

doesnot

Correct your spelling

does not

doesn't

pay for physical activities and restrict table to their

parents

Submitted by aahil922 on Sun Oct 23 2022

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

369 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some think this problem is due to fast food outlets.Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their child health. Do what extent do you agree or disagree

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In the past lectures were the only method of teaching to a large number of students. Technology has brought tremendous changes. What are the advantages and disadvantages.

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

some people believe that there should be fixed punishment for each type of crime ,others however argue that the circumstances of an individual crime and the motivation to commiting it should always taken into accountwhen deciding punishment . Discuss both views and give your own opinion

In order to solve traffic jams and home problems, people believe that it can be solved by relocating companies, factories and employees to country side. To what extend do you agree?

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?