IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook, Zalo,...) have a negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #sites #facebook #zalo #impact #individuals #society
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It is often argued that the use of social
media
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 has an adverse effect on particular
people
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 & entire society.
Although
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 social
media
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 can be misleading, I don't entirely agree that it spreads negativity. In fact, I believe social
media
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 works as a positive influence in society. In
this
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 essay, I am going to discuss the positive impact of social
media
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 on our day-to-day life.
Firstly
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, social networking sites provide us with the opportunity to enhance our friend circle & keep the existing bonds revitalized.
This
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 is because, in our busy daily schedule we get very few opportunities to socialize & share our thoughts with most of our friends. In fact, our routine confines us within a small circle of
people
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.
For instance
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, every morning I go to the office & meet a similar group of
people
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 which restricts me within a particular type of thought. So, social
media
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 made it possible for us to interact with a vast range of
people
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 and establish strong social bonds. At the same time, social
media
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 helps us to dive deep into our intellectual velocity. By exploring news feeds individuals can keep themselves updated with all the current affairs around the world.
For example
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, with the blessings of social
media
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, I get to know about all the sporting events, business events & campaigns going on around me.
Therefore
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, social networks help
people
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 keep pace with the dynamic world.
To conclude
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, social
media
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 is really the key to a healthy social life in
this
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 busy advanced world. Through the use of a social network,
people
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 can really experience an empathetic social environment. Ultimately,
Add an article
the
a
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social network is a truly positive influence, not a negative one.
Submitted by barson.mithun392 on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction could be more specific and clearly state the writer's position on the topic.
task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph relates directly to the main topic of the positive impact of social media.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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