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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is cruel to keep animals in zoos. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#animals #zoos
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Zoos
Use synonyms
 at
this
Linking Words
 time are an attraction for many
people
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, especially for children, but we never stopped to think about what
animals
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 suffer every
day
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, the stress they feel being locked up every
day
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 in small spaces
that is
Linking Words
 not their habitat. In
zoos
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 there is a great variety of
animals
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, many of them are not in their habitat and are found in very small places and all
day
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 long they are exposed to thousands of
people
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 who often only cause these many
animals
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 to die in
zoos
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 because yes,
animals
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also
Linking Words
 get stressed and with so many
people
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 around them it is difficult for them. Many times we heard cases of
animals
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 that attacked their trainers and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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poor
animals
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 are sacrificed without realizing that they are like that their instinct makes them like that, despite that, all
people
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 are cruel and we don't care, as long as we have good research and money we don't mind slaughtering
animals
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 that are not to blame for the ambition of humans In an
investigation
Add a comma
,investigation
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 it is said that
animals
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 that are in
zoos
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 can have a shorter life,
such
Linking Words
 as whales whose fins bend upwards because as they are in small spaces their body
malforms
Correct your spelling
malformed
Although
Linking Words
 they have food every
day
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, it is not good at all since the
animals
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 do not live where they should. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
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i
Change the capitalization
I
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 think that all
zoos
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 should be closed since
animals
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 are not distractions from us they
also
Linking Words
 feel, think and suffer, they are not objects of admiration and if there were a zoo of
people
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 things would be very different.
Submitted by ismael.222sr on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Conservation efforts
  • Endangered species
  • Breeding programs
  • Biodiversity
  • Captivity
  • Stress or discomfort
  • Unnatural environments
  • Educational purpose
  • Scientific research
  • Ethical concerns
  • Virtual reality
  • Tourism revenue
  • Economic terms
  • Immersive experience
What to do next:
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