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Band 4.5

It is cruel to keep animals in zoos. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#animals #zoos
Zoos
 at
this
 time are an attraction for many
people
, especially for children, but we never stopped to think about what
animals
 suffer every
day
, the stress they feel being locked up every
day
 in small spaces
that is
 not their habitat. In
zoos
 there is a great variety of
animals
, many of them are not in their habitat and are found in very small places and all
day
 long they are exposed to thousands of
people
 who often only cause these many
animals
 to die in
zoos
 because yes,
animals
also
 get stressed and with so many
people
 around them it is difficult for them. Many times we heard cases of
animals
 that attacked their trainers and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poor
animals
 are sacrificed without realizing that they are like that their instinct makes them like that, despite that, all
people
 are cruel and we don't care, as long as we have good research and money we don't mind slaughtering
animals
 that are not to blame for the ambition of humans In an
investigation
Add a comma
,investigation
show examples
 it is said that
animals
 that are in
zoos
 can have a shorter life,
such
 as whales whose fins bend upwards because as they are in small spaces their body
malforms
Correct your spelling
malformed
Although
 they have food every
day
, it is not good at all since the
animals
 do not live where they should. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think that all
zoos
 should be closed since
animals
 are not distractions from us they
also
 feel, think and suffer, they are not objects of admiration and if there were a zoo of
people
 things would be very different.
Submitted by ismael.222sr on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Conservation efforts
  • Endangered species
  • Breeding programs
  • Biodiversity
  • Captivity
  • Stress or discomfort
  • Unnatural environments
  • Educational purpose
  • Scientific research
  • Ethical concerns
  • Virtual reality
  • Tourism revenue
  • Economic terms
  • Immersive experience
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