IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The money spent by government on space programmes would be better spent on vital public services such as schools and hospitals.

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Many nations worldwide spend a huge amount of
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
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 on
space
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 exploration.
space
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 exploration is categorised to be a benchmark of supremacy in the growing age,
However
Linking Words
, I strongly disagree that governments should be spending
such
Linking Words
 large sum of
Add an article
the fund
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fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
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 on
space
Use synonyms
 explorations and rather should be spending it on public
services
Use synonyms
. There are many reasons why expenditure on
space
Use synonyms
programmes
Use synonyms
 is not so beneficial.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it requires a large amount of investment
on
Change preposition
in
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 a particular programme,
thus
Linking Words
 if it fails there will be
total
Correct article usage
a total
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 loss of the amount invested,
space
Use synonyms
programmes
Use synonyms
 require physically fit
people
Use synonyms
 to be trained under special circumstances, allowing them to deal with all the atrocities they would face out there, requiring more budget for training costs. In unsuccessful
space
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
programmes
Add a comma
,programmes
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people
Use synonyms
 tend to get involved in
space
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 accidents and lose their lives. I believe that money spent on expensive
space
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programmes
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 should be rather invested in public
services
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, unlike
space
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programmes
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, public
services
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such
Linking Words
 as hospitals, schools ,
transportation
Correct word choice
and transportation
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 aid
people
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 in their
day to day
Add a hyphen
day-to-day
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 activities and provide
with
Correct pronoun usage
them with
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 a better quality of life, better Investments of from the government would allow poor
people
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 to afford the facilities at better prices and would allow
people
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 with severe conditions to be treated by better medical machinery, it would lead to the overall improvement of a country as
public
Add an article
the public
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 would be healthier, more children would be provided with education and public transport improvement would lead in less emission of air pollutants due to more and more public using a shared transportation. In conclusion , My opinion is that government money, which is the money of the taxpayer citizens should be invested in their well-being and in
services
Use synonyms
 that aid them rather than spending huge amounts on
space
Use synonyms
 exploration projects.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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