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Band 4

For school children, their teachers have more influence on their intelligence and social development than their parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#school #children #teachers #influence #intelligence #development #parents
The reason for family members’ involvement affecting more than that of
teachers
 on children’s intellect ability and community spirit development may involve the cognition that for
human
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a human
the human
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being
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beings
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,the emotions develop might in parallel with intellect progress,
nevertheless
,in terms of living in
contemporary
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the contemporary
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 world,the former factor
exert
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exerts
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 more influence on the latter in a much stronger way.
Firstly
,it goes without saying that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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parental intervention comes the earliest in one’s life,which is the most formative stage in regard to cognition and values development. What and how their
parents
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parent's
parents'
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 act and
show
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the show
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 makes the utmost impact on children’s entire life.A documentary produced by BBC shows that the children from
elite
Correct article usage
the elite
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 class have the larger possibility to keep on in their
parents
’ path while kids from poor
background
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backgrounds
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 show the least chance of breaking through
society
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society's
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 hierarchy.Children
enjoy
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who enjoy
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 good guidance and good homeschooling tend to have more willing to trust
the
Correct article usage
apply
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others,for they will not feel self-abased easily and have more confidence to be open-minded towards whether acquiring new messages or making others’ acquaintance,which enables them to perform better at
school
,
as a result
 of which,they will experience
an unforgettable
Correct the article-noun agreement
unforgettable school years
an unforgettable school year
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school
 years beyond dispute.
Secondly
,advocates of insisting
teachers
playing
Wrong verb form
play
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 a more important role than
parents
hold
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and hold
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 the firm belief that
for
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apply
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teachers
 have professional training on concrete subjects
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regarding
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regrading
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regarding
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to
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apply
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delivering lessons and communicating with kids,
therefore
 they are naturally more competitive.But another fact can not be ignored is attention and focus from
teachers
 on students are extremely dispersive,their professional skills matter for the student group but individually speaking,most kids on campus will never receive enough care.Failures in their attempts to decode the formula of customized education method
speaks
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speak
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 louder as reality,and the newly developed
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policies
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polices
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policies
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 in many schools requiring
student’s
Fix the agreement mistake
students’
show examples
parents
cooperating
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to cooperate
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 with
teachers
 on a more often basis prove
this
 point as well. In conclusion,all the puzzles in the
school
 will be reflected in the family, and the root of all the difficulties in the complex teaching process of the
school
 can be always traced back to the family.
Although
teachers
 and
parents
 are equally critical in terms of
the
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apply
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cultivating an academically and socially successful child, the core part of education remains in
family
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the family
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.
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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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