IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people say that all secondary and higher secondary school students should be taught how to manage money as it is an important life skill. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #school #students #money #life #skill
In the era of
rat
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the rat
show examples
 race , every individual
busy
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is busy
show examples
to earn
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earning
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money
 for their basic necessities in daily
life
 .
Myraid
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Myriad
 people believe that
money
management
skill
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skills
show examples
 should be introduced at
school
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the school
show examples
 level . I concur with
this
 statement , it is vital to learn
money
management
skill
 at early age
age
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apply
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which
help
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helps
show examples
Correct your spelling
juveniles
juvenile
juveniler
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more juvenile
show examples
 to be organized
manage
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and manage
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 their financial budget . To commence with, one point of agreement
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for
fow
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for
 the
skill
 of
money
 at
school
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the school
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 level is making the
leaner
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learner
show examples
self supporting
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self-supporting
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.
In other words
 , if
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children
childern
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children
 would learn how to manage
money
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the money
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 they can buy their own
staff
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stuff
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such
 as
school
 stationary things without
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their parents
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parents
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parents'
parent's
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 help .
This
 practice
help
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helps
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 them to be more independent and teach them how to be
wise
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a wise
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 spender .
For instance
 , when
institute
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institutes
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 teach them how to
savings
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save
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money
 by
tiffen
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Tiffen
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money
,They can spend their funds an
emerganey
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emergency
.
In addition
 ,
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acquiring
aquiring
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acquiring
 financial education development of the
congnitive
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cognitive
 development of
pupil
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pupils
show examples
 as it will help young people to stay in control of their budget and motive . them to set financial goals
of
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for
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 their
life
 . It will teach them
Value
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the Value
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 of
money
 and spend their
money
 demand than
needs
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their needs
show examples
 .
For example
 , young people are more
interest
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interested
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 in new gadgets or going
club
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to club
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 outing spend their
money
 in unnecessary because of
lack
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a lack
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in
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of
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 financial
management
 knowledge at
school
 . By and large , it is crystal clear that , currency
management
an
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is an
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 important
skill
 to deal with in
life
 and make
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the decision
a decision
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decision
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decisions
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 for future goals . It is
significant
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a significant
the significant
show examples
 factor for them to succeed in
life
 when they group up . So. it should be part of their educational sector.
Submitted by rownoak.rouf on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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