IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some say that because many people are living much longer the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably. To what content do you agree

#say #people #age #work #content
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In today’s era
people
Use synonyms
 are living much longer than it was
century
Add an article
a century
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 ago, so the prolongation of
Use synonyms
work
Correct article usage
the work
show examples
 age become one of the most
discussion
Replace the word
discussed
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topic
Change to a plural noun
topics
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. On the one hand, many
people
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 would say that if
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 became longer it is no matter why they should retire at the same age as
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
was
few
Change the article
a few
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 decades later.
Fix the agreement mistake
People
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Person
Add an article
A person
The person
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 who
Use synonyms
work
Change the verb form
works
show examples
 more years generate more money and could pay
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pensions to individuals, which are already retired. It means that government save money and could spend them
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
helpful
Replace the word
help
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 social projects.
Moreover
Linking Words
, working individuals could spend more time in the
work
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, which they love and improve their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, working individual keep fulfilled and contribute to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, so
person
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the person
a person
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 will feel
self satisfaction
Add a hyphen
self-satisfaction
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 and due to that full of energy and motivation.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, we miss
connection
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the connection
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 between generations,
instead
Linking Words
 of
spend
Change the verb form
spending
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 time with their family and
enjoy
Wrong verb form
enjoying
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 the rest of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
life
Use synonyms
,
Add an article
a person
the person
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person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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 should
work
Use synonyms
 and spend their golden hours.
Additionally
Linking Words
, our
life
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 is not only
working
Change preposition
about working
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 and money generation it is
also
Linking Words
 about having fun and spending time with
people
Use synonyms
who
Change the pronoun
whom
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you
Correct pronoun usage
we
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 love. In conclusion, I think that decision
retire
Fix the infinitive
to retire
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 early or prolongate your
work
Use synonyms
 age ought to be made by everyone personally, everybody has to
decided
Change the verb
decide
show examples
 how they are going to spend the rest of
Use synonyms
life
Correct pronoun usage
their life
show examples
.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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