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Band 2.5

Some say that because many people are living much longer the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably. To what content do you agree

#say #people #age #work #content
In today’s era
people
 are living much longer than it was
century
Add an article
a century
show examples
 ago, so the prolongation of
work
Correct article usage
the work
show examples
 age become one of the most
discussion
Replace the word
discussed
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topic
Change to a plural noun
topics
show examples
. On the one hand, many
people
 would say that if
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
life
 became longer it is no matter why they should retire at the same age as
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
was
few
Change the article
a few
show examples
 decades later.
Fix the agreement mistake
People
show examples
Person
Add an article
A person
The person
show examples
 who
work
Change the verb form
works
show examples
 more years generate more money and could pay
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pensions to individuals, which are already retired. It means that government save money and could spend them
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
helpful
Replace the word
help
show examples
 social projects.
Moreover
, working individuals could spend more time in the
work
, which they love and improve their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
Furthermore
, working individual keep fulfilled and contribute to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, so
person
Add an article
the person
a person
show examples
 will feel
self satisfaction
Add a hyphen
self-satisfaction
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 and due to that full of energy and motivation.
On the other hand
, we miss
connection
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the connection
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 between generations,
instead
 of
spend
Change the verb form
spending
show examples
 time with their family and
enjoy
Wrong verb form
enjoying
show examples
 the rest of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
life
,
Add an article
a person
the person
show examples
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 should
work
 and spend their golden hours.
Additionally
, our
life
 is not only
working
Change preposition
about working
show examples
 and money generation it is
also
 about having fun and spending time with
people
who
Change the pronoun
whom
show examples
you
Correct pronoun usage
we
show examples
 love. In conclusion, I think that decision
retire
Fix the infinitive
to retire
show examples
 early or prolongate your
work
 age ought to be made by everyone personally, everybody has to
decided
Change the verb
decide
show examples
 how they are going to spend the rest of
life
Correct pronoun usage
their life
show examples
.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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