IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that unpaid community services should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example working for a charity ,improving the neighborhood or teaching sport to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #services #part #school #programs #charity #neighborhood #sport #children
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, our society has changed significantly. There are a huge number of people who are in need. Most people think that free social
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as helping
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
charity, developing the countryside and teaching sports should be included in high
school
Use synonyms
 courses. Personally, I disagree that unpaid community service will take part in compulsory subjects.
Begin
Fix the infinitive
To begin
show examples
 with, the main reason is students have their own duties
such
Linking Words
 as having homework or studying
an
Change preposition
for an
show examples
 extra class.
Then
Linking Words
 that
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
 teenagers
do
Correct your spelling
to
show examples
 not have their own
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 for spending in the field that they are interested in. After that, it will reduce their energy because they have various activities that they should do. Which can encourage them for having a bright future.
However
Linking Words
, if
Use synonyms
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
 strictly the rule
after
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
that pupils do not want to work with the charity.
Then
Linking Words
 the result will not be useful.
For example
Linking Words
, my
school
Use synonyms
 usually go to help
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
living
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 at the top of the hill. When we arrived, some adolescents did not want to rebuild a house for people in that area. That
cause
Wrong verb form
caused
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 did not
skilful
Add a missing verb
be skilful
show examples
 and lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
energy.
This
Linking Words
 is because they do not have any passion.
As a result
Linking Words
, they noticed that it was not their own
responsibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
responsibility
show examples
 for doing
this
Linking Words
 event.
Secondly
Linking Words
, if a pupil shares the knowledge of his skill and helps others to learn it will make him more
refine
Wrong verb form
refined
show examples
 and perfect over time.
Such
Linking Words
 unpaid work done during high
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
 results in the nurture of skills. To exemplify, some of the best software developers in the world honed their skills by helping
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
others during their teenage. In conclusion, free community events should not be compulsory for teenagers but it should be the responsibility of the government.
Use synonyms
School
Fix the agreement mistake
Schools
show examples
 should focus on core subjects
instead
Linking Words
 of unpaid activities.
Submitted by natmelissa54 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: