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Band 5

Some people believe that unpaid community services should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example working for a charity ,improving the neighborhood or teaching sport to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #services #part #school #programs #charity #neighborhood #sport #children
Nowadays, our society has changed significantly. There are a huge number of people who are in need. Most people think that free social
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
such
 as helping
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
charity, developing the countryside and teaching sports should be included in high
school
 courses. Personally, I disagree that unpaid community service will take part in compulsory subjects.
Begin
Fix the infinitive
To begin
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 with, the main reason is students have their own duties
such
 as having homework or studying
an
Change preposition
for an
show examples
 extra class.
Then
 that
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
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 teenagers
do
Correct your spelling
to
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 not have their own
times
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time
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 for spending in the field that they are interested in. After that, it will reduce their energy because they have various activities that they should do. Which can encourage them for having a bright future.
However
, if
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
 strictly the rule
after
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
that pupils do not want to work with the charity.
Then
 the result will not be useful.
For example
, my
school
 usually go to help
Correct pronoun usage
those who
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who
Correct pronoun usage
those
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living
Wrong verb form
live
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 at the top of the hill. When we arrived, some adolescents did not want to rebuild a house for people in that area. That
cause
Wrong verb form
caused
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they
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 did not
skilful
Add a missing verb
be skilful
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 and lack
of
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apply
show examples
energy.
This
 is because they do not have any passion.
As a result
, they noticed that it was not their own
responsibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
responsibility
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 for doing
this
 event.
Secondly
, if a pupil shares the knowledge of his skill and helps others to learn it will make him more
refine
Wrong verb form
refined
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 and perfect over time.
Such
 unpaid work done during high
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
 results in the nurture of skills. To exemplify, some of the best software developers in the world honed their skills by helping
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
others during their teenage. In conclusion, free community events should not be compulsory for teenagers but it should be the responsibility of the government.
School
Fix the agreement mistake
Schools
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 should focus on core subjects
instead
 of unpaid activities.
Submitted by natmelissa54 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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