IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays, children spend too much time watching TV and playing computer games. Some people believe this has negative effects on children's mental abilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree？

#children #time #tv #computer #games #people #effects #abilities #disagree？
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
As they say,Too much of everything is bad.Nowadays,
Children
Use synonyms
 spend too much time watching TV and playing
games
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 has negative effects on
children
Use synonyms
's mental abilities.
This
Linking Words
 statement is true as an excess of everything is bad.There is some advantage as well disadvantage of both.
Firstly
Linking Words
,Due to continuous exposure to screens,
Children
Use synonyms
's eyes get affected very badly and due to which we can easily see, a lot of very young
children
Use synonyms
 wear specs for the correction of their eyes. Interpersonal and soft
skills
Use synonyms
 cannot be learned If we want to grow in life and achieve great success.You need to have great soft
skills
Use synonyms
,Learning soft
skills
Use synonyms
 would be very difficult if a
person
Use synonyms
 is very much comfortable with a
computer
Use synonyms
 screen.
Secondly
Linking Words
,Playing
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 doesn't involve any physical
ability
Use synonyms
as a result
Linking Words
 of which the mind
also
Linking Words
 doesn't grow,
Computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 and watching tv will make a
person
Use synonyms
 lethargic and that
person
Use synonyms
 will be cut from life,There are
also
Linking Words
 some really violent
games
Use synonyms
 are
also
Linking Words
 available which makes a child really violent and narcissist as well. So to summarise all the information,Excess use of
games
Use synonyms
 and watching tv will really impact the
ability
Use synonyms
 of the child to learn important
skills
Use synonyms
 and fight with society in general and
also
Linking Words
 adhere the mental improvement
ability
Use synonyms
. We should encourage
children
Use synonyms
 for physical activity as
children
Use synonyms
 will learn a lot from physical interaction and
computer
Use synonyms
 knowledge is
also
Linking Words
 essential but interpersonal
skills
Use synonyms
 can only be learned through people interaction,though I agree that certain
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 help
children
Use synonyms
 to improve their
ability
Use synonyms
 to learn the
however
Linking Words
 number of these types of
games
Use synonyms
 available in the market is very less. So
children
Use synonyms
 should limit their usage of digital devices and start interacting in
person
Use synonyms
 with people.
Submitted by rupeshgoswami on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: