IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Computer games are very popular for all ages and nationalities. Parents think this has little educational value and it will be harmful for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#computer #games #ages #nationalities #parents #value #children
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Despite the popularity of computer
games
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, parents think that they are almost useless and even dangerous for their children. In my opinion, being well balanced with other activities, they shouldn’t be damaging.
To begin
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 with, most
of
Change preposition
apply
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Use synonyms
games
Add an article
the games
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 require us to think about different approaches to pass the level or to obtain the required scores.
Furthermore
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, modern
game
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 consoles include a huge variety of sensors, which in turn allow the creation of
game
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 mechanics based on tracking physical activities.
For example
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, there are relatively simple
games
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 like Sokoban, or more complex ones like The Legend of Zelda, which require lots of effort and thinking to find a solution.
Also
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,
games
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 like Mario Tennis or Just Dance require improving reflexes and burn plenty of calories. I assume
this
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 may help with developing creative thinking as well as maintaining a good physical state.
On the other hand
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, there are
researches
Correct your spelling
researchers
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which
Correct pronoun usage
who
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say
Correct subject-verb agreement
says
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 that spending a lot of time on gaming may lead to
game
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 addiction. Which in turn, may give a strict negative impact on children's educational capabilities and their mental and physical health. MMORPG and Online Gambling applications
such
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 as online casinos and betting are the most notorious reasons for addictive behaviour.
Therefore
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, limiting the time spent on gaming is required as well as awareness of
risks
Correct article usage
the risks
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which
Correct word choice
that
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 different genres of
games
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 may have. To conclude, I believe computer
games
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 with a well-balanced lifestyle could lead to better educational outcomes.
However
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, we should take into account the risks of obtaining
game
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 addictions and related health issues.
Submitted by daslapovsky on

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