Many people think that every individual is responsible for their happiness, but people believe there are other external factors that influence us . Discuss both views and give your opinion.
A highly controversial topic today relates to whether people's gladness is under the control of their responsibility or impacted by other elements. In
this
essay, I am going to examine this
question from both points of view and then
explain why I believe the arguments for an individual charge are stronger.
There are philosophists
who are of the opinion that the individual role is the main factor influencing their own happiness. The major reason for believing Correct your spelling
philosophers
this
is that gladness is a kind of emotion when the brain is sacrificed by a certain matter and this
person is the one who decides his or her level of demand in their mind. It is also
possible to say that human is the centre which controls their desire. A particularly good example here is meditation and yoga are fantastic manners to balance the human mind so more and more people around the world tend to learn these methods to achieve happiness.
On the other hand
, other experts are convinced that external factors such
as family, love or career play a crucial role in individual pleasure. It is often argued that no one can reach true joy alone but they have to share it with their close-knit ones. A second point is that life is a series of interactions so people can not live without communication with others. One good illustration of this
is soft skill classes are found to help learners reflect on external elements to acquire their balance in society.
In conclusion, I believe both arguments have their merits. On balance, however
, I feel that happiness is impacted by both external and internal. This
is why humans always have to find a way to control themself in order to react correctly to their surrounding environment.Submitted by Minh_nhatthan on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Your essay presents both views on the topic, but there are some logical inconsistencies and the development of the argument could be clearer. Try to structure your points in a more coherent manner and make sure to address all parts of the essay question.
task response
Your response addresses the task by presenting both points of view and providing a clear opinion. However, there is room for improvement in terms of developing your ideas more comprehensively and providing relevant examples. Ensure that you fully address all aspects of the essay question and provide a deeper analysis of the topic.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite