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Writing Samples
Band 6

It is important fo people to take risk, both in professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disavantages?

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Taking
risks
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 is an intrinsic human characteristic that has led to many modern scientific developments. In general, taking
risks
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 in different areas of
life
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 can be beneficial.
Therefore
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, in both professional
life
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 and daily routines, trying new and challenging things is recommended.
To begin
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 with, taking
risks
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 at work can be very beneficial. One example that illustrates
this
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 idea is the
life
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 of Pastor Iago Martins. He spent many years studying accounting, but decided to move to another country to study theology. After becoming a pastor, he gained recognition and is now considered one of the most influential pastors in Brazil. If he had chosen to continue in accounting, he might not have achieved his current social position,
although
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 he would likely have had greater financial stability.
Additionally
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, taking
risks
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 in personal
life
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 is necessary to achieve a fulfilling
life
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.
This
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 can be seen in romantic relationships, as both dating and marriage can present difficulties. Divorce rates have been increasing over time. In Brazil,
for example
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, they increased by more than 45% in the
last
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 year.
However
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, despite these
risks
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, romantic relationships remain one of people’s greatest aspirations. The challenges involved are not enough to outweigh the benefits.
Therefore
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,
although
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 relationships have their difficulties, their advantages are more significant. In conclusion, the advantages of taking
risks
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 are far more significant than the disadvantages.
This
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 principle should be applied in many different areas of
life
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.

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task response
Make your main answer more direct in the first part. Say clearly that the good points are stronger than the bad points.
task response
Add one short paragraph about the bad side of risk. Then show why the good side is still greater.
task response
Explain your examples more. After each example, show how it proves your main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow, but some links between ideas can be smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph. This helps the reader know your main point fast.
coherence and cohesion
Some parts are a bit general. Add one more clear supporting point in each body paragraph.
task response
You answer the question and keep the same clear opinion through the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present and clear.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a simple and logical paragraph order.
task response
The examples are relevant to the topic and help support your ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • advancement
  • comfort zone
  • job satisfaction
  • fulfillment
  • enriched
  • innovation
  • status quo
  • novel solutions
  • resilience
  • adaptability
  • uncertainties
  • financial instability
  • mental stress
  • potential failure
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