IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people like to go on holiday abroad, while others believe it is better to visit places within their own country. Discuss boh views and give your own opinion.

#people #holiday #visit #places #country #boh
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Travelling would always be one of the resorts to escape from
life
Change noun form
life's
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 struggles for
most
Add an article
the most
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 population. Going on a trip whether domestic or international would always add something new to your life. Travelling abroad would expose you to diverse cultures and tourist spots while having an escape within your own country could be relaxing and stress relief.
People
Use synonyms
 who enjoy having their holiday abroad could have different reasons. A group of
people
Use synonyms
 would be willing to travel to shop for new cloth or even furniture, which would not be available in their home country. Another group could do it for the experience of learning new cultures, meeting new
people
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, visiting tourist spots, or even for the food. If we took Egypt as an example, flying to Egypt could open
your
Correct pronoun usage
our
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 eyes to a completely different civilization that was thriving more than 4,000 years ago. You can visit their temples which is surprisingly still in a good shape or you could see the tools that they used for cooking, medical procedure and construction. It would be a breathtaking experience to witness all of
this
Linking Words
.
However
Linking Words
, travelling domestically should
also
Linking Words
 be noted.
People
Use synonyms
 enjoy travelling within their country for different reasons as well. A group of
people
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 would like to strengthen their identity and prefer to learn more about their own culture and history before exploring others. Other
People
Use synonyms
 could be financially constrained.
Therefore
Linking Words
, travelling by car and avoiding flying fees and sometimes currency exchange fees could release them
for
Change preposition
from
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 that burden and still enjoy their holiday.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 just want to spend a couple of days at a domestic resort to switch off from corporate life and daily stress without wasting their energy on visiting tourist places or shopping. In my opinion, I would rather invest in my identity and my ancestor history than
investing
Wrong verb form
invest
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 in foreign countries.
This
Linking Words
 does not mean that I am against travelling abroad but I would prioritize the internal holiday. Some
people
Use synonyms
 could be capable financially and have the time to do both which represents the ultimate choice. We need to observe ourselves nationally without ignoring the global experience.
Submitted by melmowafy86 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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