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Band 2.5

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It si therefore necessary for the government to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#countries #people #health #food #si #government #tax
The rise of the fast
food
 business has led to more and more
people
been
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 victimized by its unhealthy ingredients, which makes some governments think it
significant
Add a missing verb
is significant
show examples
 to impose a higher tax and faster
food
. Personally, to some
extent
Add a comma
,extent
show examples
 I believe that the action will bring a lot of benefits, but I would
also
 argue the necessity of
this
 action. As there is a trend that
people
's life
become
Change the verb form
becomes
show examples
 faster and faster nowadays, it is undeniable that
people
 can't always spend a lot of time
to have
Change the verb form
having
show examples
 meals.
Therefore
, taking fast
food
 offers them a good opportunity to cherish time.
In addition
, because of the most two important
characters
Replace the word
characteristics
show examples
 of fast
food
: fast and flexible, it is understandable
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
why the young generation so fancy fast
food
.
However
, I still think it is reasonable that government should impose a higher tax on fast
food
.
Firstly
, fast
food
 is made by some small restaurants which are not as official as
canteen
Correct article usage
the canteen
show examples
, so the health of
Correct article usage
the ingredient
show examples
ingredient
Fix the agreement mistake
ingredients
show examples
 can't be guaranteed. More importantly ,most fast
food
Change to a plural noun
foods
show examples
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 junk
food
, and
people
 will find it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
easy for them to get addicted to them. After they have fast
food
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a lot of
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
,there is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 big possibility that their health will in danger. All in all ,I
defind
Correct your spelling
defined
 that the decision about imposing a higher tax on fast
food
 is right.
Submitted by 1697541237 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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