IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugar products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There are some health disorders that might result in high amounts of
sugar
Use synonyms
, which existed in processed food and drink
products
Use synonyms
. According to some, by increasing the
price
Use synonyms
 of manufactured food,
people
Use synonyms
 tend to buy fewer of these
products
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, setting the heavy cost for these meals would be problematic and,
therefore
Linking Words
, other ways should be considered to control
this
Linking Words
 problem.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, I believe that sugary
products
Use synonyms
 are one of the most essential items in every child's diet. So, the high
price
Use synonyms
 of these
products
Use synonyms
 might lead to various problems, especially for poor
people
Use synonyms
. Because of the high
price
Use synonyms
, sometimes they have to cut down on
sugar
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 decision not only cause financial problems for
people
Use synonyms
 in poverty but
also
Linking Words
 reduce the performance of children in their lessons, which results in low blood
sugar
Use synonyms
. In my point of view, the best solution would be to inform
people
Use synonyms
 about the downsides of using lots of
sugar
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 using high amounts of
products
Use synonyms
 which
sugar
Use synonyms
 causes illnesses like high blood pressure and heart disease, everyone cannot control the amount of
sugar
Use synonyms
 in their meals. By holding conferences for both parents and teenagers, they will be aware of
this
Linking Words
 issue.
Finally
Linking Words
, if they check the label of each product before buying them, they can follow a healthy lifestyle by consuming less amount of
sugar
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, the rising
price
Use synonyms
 of processed food and drink that have a high amount of
sugar
Use synonyms
 in order to reduce health problems cannot be advisable according to the different harmful effects it will bring. Alternatively, educating teenagers and parents seems to be more advisable due to the benefits that bring to them.
Submitted by fatemehsoltani16 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: