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Band 4.5

People who cause their own illnesses through unhealthy lifestyles and poor diets should have to pay more for health care. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #illnesses #lifestyles #diets #health #care
A 政府的医疗金有限 B 应该是给更多真正需要帮助的人，如因为工作导致的慢性病。如果都一样看待不公平 C 所以自己作死的人应该承担更多的医疗费 A 人们会因为医疗保障忽视自己的健康 B 如果因为作死要承担更多医疗费，这个会作为一个警告，他们会开始重视自己的建康 Nowadays
health
 problems have become one of the major concerns among
people
. There are many factors
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
 lead to
health
 problems and unhealthy ways of living including eating disorder is one of them. It has been argued that
people
Correct pronoun usage
who contract
show examples
contract
Correct pronoun usage
who contract
show examples
 diseases due to their
Replace the word
failure
show examples
failing
Replace the word
failure
show examples
 to lead a
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
 lifestyle should afford more medical bills. I totally agree with
this
 idea.
To begin
 with, one major reason is that governmental funds for healthcare are limited and
such
 funds should be used in
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 places. To be more specific,
people
 who suffer from occupational diseases and elders who have age-related problems
such
 as cancer,
arithtis
Correct your spelling
arthritis
 and heart disease, deserve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
financial
supports
Fix the agreement mistake
support
show examples
 from governments
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
. It would be unfair for these
people
 if
such
 supports are mainly used for ones who do not care about their own
health
 and the budget for healthcare is
infficient
Correct your spelling
inefficient
 for others.
Therefore
,
people
 who suffer from disease due to their disorder habits should divide the financial burden on governments to some extent. In
this
 way, the budget for medical
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
 can be saved and help others who deserve it more. Another reason why I advocate
this
 opinion is that
this
 method can allow
people
 to raise their awareness about the importance of being healthy. Actually, most citizens prefer to lead a sedentary lifestyle and do not exercise enough because no matter how exorbitant their medical
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
 will be, the government will be responsible for it, which makes them believe that being unhealthy is not significant.
Nevertheless
, If
people
 are requested to afford some of their expenditures in curing diseases, they would be aware of the fact that the price of having a long-term disorder
diets
Correct the article-noun agreement
diet
show examples
 and unhealthy lifestyle is prohibitive,
therefore
 starting to have
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 diet and do more physical exercises. In conclusion, I believe it is reasonable to ask
certain
Add an article
a certain
show examples
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 of
people
 to pay more medical
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
 for themselves. Not only will it be fair to other
people
 who really need medical help
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
 the government, but it is
also
 necessary for individuals to pay more attention to the paramount importance of
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
overall
health
 and fitness.
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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • burden
  • lifestyle-related diseases
  • healthcare systems
  • personal responsibility
  • preventable diseases
  • healthcare costs
  • ethical considerations
  • penalizing
  • discrimination
  • socio-economic groups
  • deterrent
  • health education
  • financial penalties
  • health inequalities
  • access to healthcare
  • preventive medicine
  • public health goals
  • promoting healthy lifestyles
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