IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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Nowadays, there has been considerably discrepancy of view, that modern
technology
Use synonyms
 is making
Add an article
a person
the person
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person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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 more sociable, while someone thought
that is
Linking Words
 making
people
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 less sociable.
However
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, from my point of view, advancements in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology
Use synonyms
 are providing a better means to communicate with each other.
This
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 essay will examine both views and provide my own opinion.
To begin
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 with, the means to communicate with each other are changing with
the
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apply
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modern technical innovations. In recent days,
people
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 can communicate with each other with the help of various different means. With
an
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easier access to the Internet, social media has increased its presence throughout the world.
For instance
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, the number of users on Facebook, a social media website, increased from 1 million to 5 million in just 10 years.
People
Use synonyms
 can connect with each other through these social platforms, chatting and spending
time
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 with each other virtually.
This
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 has made it easier for many
people
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 to get together without actually getting out of their homes.
On the other hand
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,
people
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 are becoming
more lousy
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lousier
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 with the advancing
technology
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. Rather than going out and spending
time
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 with each other, many
people
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 like to play video games on their gaming consoles or
watching
Wrong verb form
watch
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 the television.
Cafe's
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Cafes
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 and
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restaurants
resteraunts
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restaurants
 used to be the social hubs earlier where
people
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 would spend
a
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apply
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quality
time
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 together but now most
people
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 order their food from online websites to their homes directly.
This
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 has restricted
the
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social gatherings. In a survey conducted in the USA, it was found that more citizens
prefer
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toprefer
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 eat by delivering food In conclusion, the contribution of
people
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 who expend their leisure
time
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 alone and
not
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do not
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 socialising with others but in my opinion
the
Correct article usage
apply
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modern
technology
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 has provided alternate sources to interact with each other and
hence
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 it has made it more convenient for
people
Use synonyms
 to socialise

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • online marketplaces
  • mobile payment options
  • personalized advertising
  • accessibility
  • compare prices
  • decision fatigue
  • impulse buying
  • financial imprudence
  • privacy and data security
  • transformed
  • streamlined
  • user-friendly
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