IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people think technological devices such as smart phones, tablets and mobile phones bring more disadvantages than advantages. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #devices #phones #tablets
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It is often argued that salient electronic gadgets like smartphones, tablets and feature phones do more
damages
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damage
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 to
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 users
instead
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 of showing prominent benefits.
Although
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 I agree that
such
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devices
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 play a significant role in our daily activities, I think that proper attention should
also
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 be given
on
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to
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 the
health
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 hazards these technological masterpieces pose.
This
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 essay will illustrate my reasoning behind the aforementioned statement. On the one hand, we use tablets and
smartphone
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smartphones
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 daily after getting up from bed to read newspapers,
browse
Correct word choice
and browse
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 Facebook, YouTube and
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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 for gathering knowledge on current affairs of our local and national as well as international
community
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communities
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.
Also
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, we send greetings,
do
Correct word choice
and do
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 voice and video calls to our nearest and dearest ones by tapping numerous apps.
Moreover
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, we know how to use these gadgets conveniently to collect data for our upcoming class tests and group projects.
For instance
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, independent researchers scroll through a lot of journal
webpages
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web pages
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 to list information on their ongoing research works. So we can’t definitely deny the contribution of these
devices
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 as they assist us a lot to keep pace with ongoing occurring.
On the other hand
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, these electronic
appliance
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appliances
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 emit dangerous radiation in the form of
X-ray
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X-rays
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 and UV-ray which can cause
a
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apply
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great harm to our
health
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. Particularly, when we stay with these for a longer period, we begin to feel dizzy. Sometimes, we get obsessed by noticing our competitors posting their success stories on social platforms. Particularly, if we keep these
devices
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next
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 to our heads while sleeping at night, they can cause cancer and severe disturbance to
brain’s
Correct article usage
the brain’s
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 neural network gradually.
In addition
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, they can create fire hazards while charging for
longer
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a longer
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period
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periods
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. That’s why
,
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apply
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 we
also
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 can’t neglect the
health
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 concerns
Correct pronoun usage
that originated
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originated
Wrong verb form
originating
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 from these
devices
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. To recapitulate, though I agree that smartphones or tablets have
beneficial
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a beneficial
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 impact on us in terms of major assistance in our regular work styles, I think that more concentration should be given
on
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to
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 how to reduce the
health
Use synonyms
 risks these symbols of tech successes pose to humans.
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • convenience
  • communication
  • access to information
  • efficiency
  • addiction
  • privacy concerns
  • distraction
  • isolation
  • screen time
  • digital divide
What to do next:
Look at other essays: