IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: "In many countries, paying for things using mobile phone (cellphone) apps is becoming increasingly common." Does this development have more advantages or more disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#minutes #topic #countries #phone #cellphone #apps #development
Nowadays, in many
area
Change to a plural noun
areas
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 worldwide, people became more reliable
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 making payments using mobile devices , which became increasingly common. from my point of
view
Add a comma
,view
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i
Change the capitalization
I
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 advocate that it has more advantages than
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 advantages ,which we will discuss below.
First
 and foremost using cell
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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 became easier on daily basis ,we actually rely on paying through apple pay ,
paypal
Correct your spelling
PayPal
Paypal
 or other apps which reduced
or
Correct your spelling
our
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 usage of
banknote
Fix the agreement mistake
banknotes
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 which is a positive thing in saving our
Correct your spelling
environment
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
.
in addition
 ,
that
Correct word choice
apply
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it saves more time when paying in POS,
instead
 of
time consuming
Add a hyphen
time-consuming
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 of waiting for our change within seconds the process is done .
Moreover
,
on
Change preposition
from
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 security perspective the moment you get robbed you can easily freeze all your cards ,like what happened
with
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to
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 me
in
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apply
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on of my trips
in
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to
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 east Asia
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 was robbed while
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 was
in
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at
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 the train station
directly
Correct word choice
and directly
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 contacted the bank and the card was just a useless plastic.
Besides
 paying apps
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 mostly under the supervision of the
Correct your spelling
government
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 so they can have access on seeing the funds and transfers in case of any attacks or money laundry happening in the country like what happened after 9/11
that
Correct word choice
when
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 money cycles
where
Replace the word
were
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 under control.
on the contrary
, there are some disadvantages
in
Change preposition
to
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 online paying.
first
 of all, putting all the eggs in one nest, which by default if the cell phone was stolen you will lose everything.
Second
Change the article
The second
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 issue
although
 cybersecurity increases
everyday
Replace the word
every day
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 your phone can still be hacked by only sending a
Correct your spelling
link
linke
Correct your spelling
link
 on your mobile and entering the OTP, like what
Correct your spelling
happened
happned
Correct your spelling
happened
 with my manager
last
 summer when cons called him to update his account and they stole all his account by sending him a fake link.
last
 but not least,
technology
Add an article
the technology
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 eliminates people jobs , expected by 2050 , 20 thousand jobs will disappear and be replaced by smart artificial
Submitted by mazenabujabal on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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