Some people believe that children should be banned from using their phones during the school day. Others believe that children should be allowed to use their phones. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

There is an ongoing debate regarding the
use
of cell
phones
for children. There are divided opinions on
this
. some individuals are of the view that
students
must not be allowed to keep their
phones
with them.
Whereas
, other people have a notion that
students
can have their
phones
with them in any emergency. Prior to my stance, both views will be discussed in the forthcoming paragraphs with valid reasons and examples. Examining the former argument, supporters believe that if pupils
allow keeping
Wrong verb form
are allowed to keep
show examples
electronic gadgets
then
those would become distractions for them. Various notification populations, different platforms for watching series, movies, messages and phone calls from their friends, and the sound of ringtones, all can reduce
students
' focus and concentration on the lecture.
For instance
, in Delhi's school, a number of
students
ended up using their
phones
for gaming and chatting purposes
while
studying.
Consequently
, the result for that batch was very low.
However
, proponents held a belief that mobile is a very useful device for a learning kid in the time of unexpected situations. They can keep in touch with their family members whenever needed and
this
can be efficient for them in their studies. They can
use
the internet immediately for their research paper and gain in-depth knowledge of any topic beyond the curriculum. To illustrate
this
, in my final year of
graduation
Add a comma
graduation,
show examples
the student used the electronic device during the lecture whenever he had any queries and hesitated to ask teachers.
As a result
, he got good grades and could deep dive into his area of interest.
To sum up
,
while
, some have the inclination that the
use
of
phones
has been proven beneficial for pupils during periods, I prefer that banning
such
use
would be a
greater
Correct word choice
great
show examples
step towards
students
' future.
This
is because to gain knowledge concentration is the key factor and we cannot compromise that with anything.
Submitted by dk on

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coherence cohesion
Your introduction is not entirely clear and lacks a strong hook to engage the reader. Your conclusion also seems a bit abrupt and could be expanded to summarize your main points.
task achievement
You have addressed the task and provided arguments for both views. However, it would be beneficial to present a clearer opinion and provide a more balanced discussion of the two perspectives.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Distraction
  • Cyberbullying
  • Concentration
  • Emergency communication
  • Digital literacy
  • Educational resources
  • Social development
  • Self-regulation
  • Enforcement
  • Socioeconomic status
  • Technology access
  • Learning apps
  • Screen time
  • Peer interaction
  • School policy
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