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Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays, many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed.

#people #work #company #organisation #case
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Making a
business
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 is a new trend because everyone prefers to choose self-employed without depending on a salary from the company. In
this
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 essay, I will explain the disadvantages of being self-employed. On the one hand, some
people
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 believe that when they work in their
business
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 is more valuable rather than working in the company.
This
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 case has occurred in some cities because satisfaction job become the most important character or point for everyone. The first reason is that environment and society are very influential in work-life balance.
For instance
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, when someone has a good friend actually it can improve the quality of their job.
Secondly
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, almost every
people
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 need to maintain their mental health
such
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 as good communication, and relationships. That's why many
people
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 prefer to make a
business
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 and become an owner.
On the other hand
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, many
people
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 argue that being self-employed can be a disadvantage, especially mental health issues
such
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 as loneliness, stress, and afraid when making some decisions. First of all, the most common problem for the owner
business
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 is financial condition, because it can fluctuate sometimes it can increase and sharply decrease income. That problem is very serious when someone doesn't have more knowledge about finance management. After that, some
people
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 are forced into debt in the bank and it is able to make new problems.
Moreover
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, they make wrong decisions like marketing strategy and employment development. The owner usually considers a new plan for their
business
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,
hence
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 they are fully stressed and can depretions. In summary, self-employed has advantages and disadvantages, because it can be affect
for
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apply
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mental health issues.
For example
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, the most valuable is satisfaction job and the biggest disadvantage is problems in financial management.
Submitted by writingbersama on

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task achievement
To achieve a higher band score, try to include specific examples and real-life situations to support your points more effectively. This approach adds credibility and depth to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are grammatically correct but do not flow naturally. Try to work on using more cohesive devices to improve the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Consider expanding the introduction to provide more context about the topic. Additionally, the conclusion should succinctly summarize the main points discussed in the essay instead of introducing new information.
task achievement
You have made a good effort to address both the advantages and disadvantages of being self-employed, which demonstrates a balanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, creating a complete framework for your arguments.
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