IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Nowadays, many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed.

#people #work #company #organisation #case
Making a
business
 is a new trend because everyone prefers to choose self-employed without depending on a salary from the company. In
this
 essay, I will explain the disadvantages of being self-employed. On the one hand, some
people
 believe that when they work in their
business
 is more valuable rather than working in the company.
This
 case has occurred in some cities because satisfaction job become the most important character or point for everyone. The first reason is that environment and society are very influential in work-life balance.
For instance
, when someone has a good friend actually it can improve the quality of their job.
Secondly
, almost every
people
 need to maintain their mental health
such
 as good communication, and relationships. That's why many
people
 prefer to make a
business
 and become an owner.
On the other hand
, many
people
 argue that being self-employed can be a disadvantage, especially mental health issues
such
 as loneliness, stress, and afraid when making some decisions. First of all, the most common problem for the owner
business
 is financial condition, because it can fluctuate sometimes it can increase and sharply decrease income. That problem is very serious when someone doesn't have more knowledge about finance management. After that, some
people
 are forced into debt in the bank and it is able to make new problems.
Moreover
, they make wrong decisions like marketing strategy and employment development. The owner usually considers a new plan for their
business
,
hence
 they are fully stressed and can depretions. In summary, self-employed has advantages and disadvantages, because it can be affect
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
mental health issues.
For example
, the most valuable is satisfaction job and the biggest disadvantage is problems in financial management.
Submitted by writingbersama on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To achieve a higher band score, try to include specific examples and real-life situations to support your points more effectively. This approach adds credibility and depth to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are grammatically correct but do not flow naturally. Try to work on using more cohesive devices to improve the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Consider expanding the introduction to provide more context about the topic. Additionally, the conclusion should succinctly summarize the main points discussed in the essay instead of introducing new information.
task achievement
You have made a good effort to address both the advantages and disadvantages of being self-employed, which demonstrates a balanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, creating a complete framework for your arguments.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: