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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe children should have organized activities in their free time. Others believe children should decide what to do in their free time on their own. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge and experience.

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The debate over whether letting children decide what to do in their free time is better than having organized activities in their free time has been rather controversial.
However
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, others believe that kids should experience
both
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.
This
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 essay will elucidate
both
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 viewpoints and offer a personal perspective.
To begin
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 with, it is known that making a decision independently is of great value for children’s cognitive
skills
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. By deciding self-reliantly, they will deal with various problems that greatly help develop
skills
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such
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 as creativity, quick thinking, and logic. These
skills
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 need to be created during childhood with a firm foundation.
Otherwise
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, they could not have a self-reliant life after becoming an adult.
For instance
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, it’s well known that bookworms always can’t integrate into society naturally.
Nevertheless
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, children should sample organized activities to help them develop good habits during their formative years. Without the basic arranged tasks, a baby could not create a simple cognition of the world,
thus
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 unable to distinguish between good and evil, knowing what and how a man would like to be. Experiencing normal activities is fundamental to free development in the future,
both
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 of which are not dispensable in our lives. In conclusion, even though
both
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 viewpoints are reasonable, each discussed respectively is one-sided. We must adjust our methods
according to
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 children’s cognitive
skills
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 and holistic literacy, adopting the most appropriate method to promote their development. We must offer the best means to help children reach key developmental milestones.

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task achievement
Try to provide even clearer examples or anecdotes for your points to enhance clarity and relatability.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using a clearer organizational pattern to connect your ideas more smoothly, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points discussed and clearly states your opinion to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument fairly, which shows understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction clearly sets the stage for your discussion, nicely outlining what the essay will cover.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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