IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

some children spend hours every day on their smartphone. why is this the case? Do you think this is positive or a negative development?

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Nowadays, the
smartphone
Use synonyms
 is the basic need of younger. A number Kid utilising hours every day on their smart devices. I believe that there are more benefits rather than negative effects of the usage of
smartphones
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.
this
Linking Words
furthers
Replace the word
further
show examples
 outlines both the point of view.
To commence
Fix the infinitive
Commence
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 with, there are many benefits of using
smartphones
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 for
children
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
, they learn to communicate
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 people and learn social media skills. In others words,It
best
Add a missing verb
is best
show examples
 way to adopt
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
communication skill.
For instance
Linking Words
, My fellow mates learn to communicate with other people by using
smartphones
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, I would like to outline
more
Add an article
the more
show examples
 positive
impact
Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
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 of using
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
smartphones
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.
children
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also
Linking Words
 inquire about their
project
Fix the agreement mistake
projects
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 and studies through
smartphones
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.
In other words
Linking Words
,
children
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 by using mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 take help and information.
For example
Linking Words
, whenever My son
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
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help, so he can help from
Use synonyms
smartphone
Correct pronoun usage
his smartphone
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 by using
websites
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such
Linking Words
 as google and youtube.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there is so positive impact
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but does not mean that there
is
Change the verb form
are
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 no drawbacks to using a
smartphone
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.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
children
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 access easily porn
websites
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.
In other words
Linking Words
,
children
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 can easily open
Change preposition
up to
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
different
websites
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 without asking about their age group.
For example
Linking Words
, In Pakistan, 80 % of
children
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 click on
a different links
Correct the article-noun agreement
different links
a different link
show examples
 and go to pornhub
websites
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, one more negative impact of giving
smartphones
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 to
children
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.
children
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 share their personal photos on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
online
websites
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. In another word,
children
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 are immature at an early age, so they share their private pictures. To illustrate, My nephew who usage a
smartphone
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 for hours every day, but he shares a private video with a friend on social media.
Lastly
Linking Words
, some
children
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 spend their time on
a mobile phones
Correct the article-noun agreement
mobile phones
a mobile phone
show examples
. There is pro and con to giving a
smartphone
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 to
children
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, but there are more positive point rather than negative
such
Linking Words
 as learning to communicate with people and inquire about their study.

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Engrossed
  • Distracted
  • Addictive
  • Digital natives
  • Virtual reality
  • Interactive
  • Online gaming
  • Social media platforms
  • Connectivity
  • Social engagement
  • Information access
  • Learning tools
  • Peer influence
  • Societal pressure
  • Alternative activities
  • Recreational facilities
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