Today people are surrounded by advertising. This affects what people think is important and has a negative impact on people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In today's modern world, advancement in technology development has provided many ways to marketers of promoting their products and services to the public.
For example
Linking Words
,
Tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
ads
Use synonyms
, and online
ads
Use synonyms
on video streaming websites, these
ads
Use synonyms
are cluttered everywhere which in my opinion ultimately leads to a negative impact on behaviour and our mindset.
To begin
Linking Words
with, the advertiser usually promotes consumerism, which anchors on buying frequently. we are always told to buy new clothes
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and stay trendy, or we won't look cool without buying the latest iPhone. These advertisements create a habit that negatively affects individual financial status.
Linking Words
moreover
Capitalize word
Moreover
show examples
, they use stereotypes, through advertising, they create a feeling toward how a certain group of people should look like.
For example
Linking Words
, beauty creams tailored towards women, try to project the white colour of a woman as superior to the other colour, and women must accept
this
Linking Words
projection that the media portrays and consider
this
Linking Words
as having higher status.
Additionally
Linking Words
, mind cluttering everywhere you see you may find an advertisement. In current times people desire to make their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
as simple as possible, but
due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
factor, we ultimately process thousands of information daily.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, with misleading details, companies often make products look amazing through their advertising design and stories. But it doesn't perform as described in the
ads
Use synonyms
most of the time.
Additionally
Linking Words
, adverts generally create low self-esteem by manipulating thoughts and
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
persuading you to buy products that will make you happy.
To conclude
Linking Words
, in my opinion, advertising deteriorates our mental health and sometimes gives us an unprecedented daily lifestyle dent.
As most
Correct word choice
Most
show examples
people
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
blindly
following
Wrong verb form
follow
show examples
the trends without thinking about their consequences.
Submitted by samdanii678 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay provides a clear response to the task question, expressing an opinion on the impact of advertising on people's lives. The main ideas are relevant and supported with examples.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a logical structure and includes an introduction and conclusion. However, there is room for improvement in linking ideas and providing a smoother flow of information between paragraphs.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: