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Band 5

Some people think living in big cities is bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #cities #people’s #health
It is true that more
people
 around the world prefer living in more developed
cities
, and
this
 has ignited public debate about whether it is harmful to the citizens' health. Personally, while I disagree that all
people
 will benefit from city life, I do believe the advantages of living in the big
cities
 outweigh the disadvantages. It is obvious that there are several advantages
living
Change preposition
to living
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 in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 rural area.
Firstly
, the main benefit comes from the better natural environment. As there are fewer factories and cars, local
people
 could receive better air conditions, which may greatly reduce the likelihood of some respiratory and lung diseases.
Secondly
, countryside residents are more likely to have a regular routine and a healthy diet. Farm work
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
still
occupy
Change the verb form
occupies
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 most of the lives of rural
people
,
requires
Correct word choice
and requires
show examples
 farmers to cultivate their crops on a daily basis, leading to their stronger body.
Furthermore
, rural life seems simpler and purer, without high costs of living,
such
 as housing, commuting and consumption, local residents tend to feel less stress.
However
, living in the modern community means
higher
Add an article
a higher
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 standard of living, as well as more opportunities
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
better
Correct article usage
a better
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healthcare
Correct article usage
the healthcare
show examples
 system. Every year, a large number of
people
 die because they are unable to access medical care. Modern
cities
 could provide more professional diagnosis and treatment when
people
 are ill , especially with
difficult
Add an article
a difficult
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illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
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. Another major factor of ailment and death
in
Change preposition
on
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 a global scale is poverty.
Big
Add an article
The big
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city
Fix the agreement mistake
cities
show examples
 could offer greater employment opportunities and higher salaries, meaning that
people
 are more likely to afford the cost of medicine and food that meets more stringent hygiene standards. It
also
 helps improve
people
's mental health
staying
Change preposition
by staying
show examples
 in modern
cities
 containing a wide range of entertainment, as
people
 will gain more happiness and relax. It is impossible for a place to exist that has no drawbacks and is suitable for everyone to live in. We should choose a place to settle according to our personality and physical conditions, and for me, it is better to live in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 big city.
Submitted by augesta7 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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