Essay topic: In many countries, crimes rates amongst younger people has been rising. Discuss the causes and solutions for this problem.

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In the recent modern world, the number of crimes committed by the younger generation is increasing. I believe some fundamental structures of society and the latest environments are impacting the surge of the number. Here in
this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

essay, I would like to analyze a few possible reasons and actions to be taken.
First
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

and foremost, the main driver of the increasing deeds against law among the young is the increasing social wealth division.
For example
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, in many
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developed

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develped
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developed

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countries,
such
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as
in
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the US and Japan, the rich people are becoming
more rich
Replace the words
richer

You have used the compound adjective more rich. Consider using the comparative form of this adjective.

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while the poor are becoming
more poor
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poorer

You have used the compound adjective more poor. Consider using the comparative form of this adjective.

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. The social divide is creating a serious inequality problem and many teenagers and
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citizens
citizins
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citizens

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in their 20th are the victims of
this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

phenomenon. They cannot get appropriate educations, which results in a lack of decent jobs. Poverty and instability create a condition prone to criminal
conducts
Fix the agreement mistake
conduct

It seems that conducts may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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.
In addition
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the latest feeling of stagnation driven by the pandemic is impacting the
millenium
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Millenium

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and generation-z segments.
For instance
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they feel loneliness and as their social lives are locked down, the accumulated frustrations sometimes trigger crimes among them. As a consequence, the crime rate is increasing.
Thus
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

seen so far, the recent social environments are increasingly harmful to the young generation and the number of unlawful conducts is trending up. Adults need to carefully watch and catch signs of loneliness among
the
Correct article usage
apply

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people. Governments can establish an institution to hire
counselors
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counsellors

The spelling of counselors is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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who will visit the financially challenged
neighborhood
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neighbourhood

The spelling of neighborhood is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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to preempt
Add a hyphen
crime-prone
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crime prone
Add a hyphen
crime-prone

It seems that crime prone is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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people's
toubles
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troubles

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and prevent serious felonies.
By
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With

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these
Correct determiner usage
this

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careful and close
monitorings
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monitoring

It seems that monitorings may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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of society at large, I believe the rate will be eventually subsided.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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