IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some schools have restricted the use of mobile phones. Is this a positivee development or negative one?

#schools #phones #positivee #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These days the usage of cell phones has increased among people especially children on several occasions. Some schools have banned phone utilization, in my opinion, it is a positive headway that can cause lots of benefits. The mobile phone restriction in schools has several advantages.
Firstly
Linking Words
 when students bring their smartphones to
school
Use synonyms
, they tend to spend their rest time between classes checking their social media profiles and scrolling the networks aimlessly, which can cause less real communication and
thus
Linking Words
 decrease the chance of personal skills improvement. So if the use of mobile phones were restricted they would learn more social skills in their
school
Use synonyms
 Hood.
Moreover
Linking Words
, cell phones can
prepare
Verb problem
create
show examples
 a distractive atmosphere in classrooms.
For instance
Linking Words
, when a teacher starts to teach a hard understanding mathematics topic, students can easily be distracted by a sports notification about the result of a football competition occurring at the same time.
As a result
Linking Words
, teachers face more problems with students' concentration and focus on learning new things.
Hence
Linking Words
 the phone-banning decision can significantly
mount
Verb problem
improve
show examples
 the quality of both personal interactions and education.
Although
Linking Words
, some people might argue that the ban of smartphones from
school
Use synonyms
 is not an appropriate rule because of the
electronical
Correct your spelling
electronic
 features like learning applications.
It
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
 is true since these applications are considered modern teaching and learning methods in the
21
Correct your spelling
21st
 century.
However
Linking Words
, it's not efficient enough in every aspect of life which are necessary to nourish in schools.
Therefore
Linking Words
 I completely agree because phone restrictions in
school
Use synonyms
 have more long-term benefits in terms of training the children. In conclusion,
nevertheless
Linking Words
, there are different perspectives on
this
Linking Words
 topic, I believe the positive developments, outweigh the negatives. So I considered
this
Linking Words
 rule as a beneficial statute of the educational system.
Submitted by mahjoubitina on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that your arguments directly address the prompt and provide a clear stance on the issue. Also, consider addressing potential counter-arguments to strengthen your position.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a logical progression of ideas, and the introduction and conclusion are well-presented. Keep this cohesiveness throughout the essay by using appropriate linking words and maintaining a consistent flow of ideas.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: