IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Nowadays technology is increasingly being uswd to monitor what people are saying or doing. So you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#technology #uswd #people #development
Technology
 becomes an essential part of day-to-day life.It is
also
 evident that individuals can be easily monitored whatever they think or do by using
technology
.
However
, I believe that it has more positives as compared to its negatives.
First
 of all, because of the advancements in
technology
people
 feels vulnerable as they can be traced easily whatever they do. Sometimes It can be done by the wrong
people
 who do not have the
intentions
Fix the agreement mistake
intention
show examples
 to do so.
For instance
, online banking fraud is one of the major problems where sometimes
people
 are being traced while they share their credit card information or other banking credentials.
This
 can be mitigated by giving safe access to
people
 by financial institutions or by educating
people
 about the new
technology
 in place. Despite the
technology's
Change noun form
technology
show examples
,drawback it has way more benefits.Monitoring helps companies to better understand their clients and their expectations.
As a result
,
this
 leads to improving quality of life.
For example
, big companies like Google, Microsoft and Apple collect data in terms of cookies and enhance the user experience by giving them what they want. As everything exists
Add the particle
to have
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 some positives and negatives, I think
technology
 has more positives than negatives. While we can take advantage of the good sides of
technology
, the bad sides can always work
upon
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
Submitted by jassi.sandhu601 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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