IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

in many countries, women are allowed to take maternity leave from their jobs during the first month after the birth of their baby. Does advantage outweigh disadvantages?

#countries #women #maternity #jobs #first #month #birth #baby #advantage
The pressure of
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
 is one of the most important problems that many
women
 face. Especially the
women
 who
birth
 their
babies
.
Therefore
, in many countries. The government allow them
leave
Add the particle
to leave
show examples
 their
jobs
 during the
first
 month after the
birth
 of their
babies
 to take maternity. In my opinion,
it’s
Unnecessary verb
it
show examples
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 lots of benefits for them
although
 has some disadvantages. It is obvious that
women
 can have different
jobs
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. That means
women
 should get care of when they are going to
birth
 their
baby
Fix the agreement mistake
babies
show examples
. During the period they are preparing for
birth
, they need to check their bodies, and learn skills to look after
babies
 etc. Thereby continuing their
jobs
 becoming more difficult
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 before. At
this
 time, learning their
jobs
 and staying at home is
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 best way. It can
also
advanced
Change the verb form
advance
be advanced
show examples
 the population when they take care of their
babies
.
Moreover
, leaving their
jobs
 has some disadvantages. Nowadays, the world which full of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
competition. All
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people need to
hard
Add a hyphen
hard-working
show examples
working
Change the verb
work
show examples
 for their future. If they back to
Correct pronoun usage
their job
show examples
job
Wrong verb form
jobs
show examples
 after their vacation, maybe the companies hire other people to work
replace
Fix the infinitive
to replace
show examples
 themselves. Some
women
 cannot back to work since they have to
Change the verb
take
show examples
took
Correct your spelling
look
show examples
 after their
baby
Fix the agreement mistake
babies
show examples
. So that their financial situation will be decreasing immediately. In conclusion, I believe that it has more advantages. Giving
vacation
Fix the agreement mistake
vacations
show examples
 to
women
 who will
born
Change the verb form
bear
show examples
 their
baby
Fix the agreement mistake
babies
show examples
 can let them focus on
birth
 and they do not lose
salaries
Correct pronoun usage
their salaries
show examples
 at
this
 time. Companies can find other people to work
so
Change preposition
with so
show examples
 that the companies will not
lost
Change the verb form
lose
be lost
show examples
 money
also
.
Submitted by kevin. B on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!