IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Nowadays technology is increasingly being uswd to monitor what people are saying or doing. So you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#technology #uswd #people #development
People have two opinions about
children
 and
school
. Somebody considers that
children
 should go to
school
on
Change preposition
by
show examples
bus
Add an article
the bus
a bus
show examples
. Somebody guesses that
children
 should go
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
there together with
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
. As for me, I am walking to
school
 without
parents
Correct pronoun usage
my parents
show examples
 now because I am sixteen years old. But I walk to there with my dad or mum several years ago. I imagine that it is not comfortable when
parents
 should get
children
Correct pronoun usage
their children
show examples
 to
school
.
Moreover
,
parents
 waste time while they might get to
job
Add an article
the job
a job
show examples
.
Besides
, some
children
 live far away from
school
. They must go to
school
two
Change preposition
for two
show examples
 or three hours. Bus
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 them and other
children
.
In other words
, I presume that it is the best way. When I get to
school
 before medium education, I hated
this
 process. I watched American films and dreamed about
busses
Correct your spelling
buses
show examples
. By the way, I hate
this
 process now too. So,
busses
Correct your spelling
buses
show examples
 must be. Some people think that
children
 become bummers. True or false, but
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 or government can try. If it is true, they may put it away. Indeed, I do not think that it is true. Frankly
speaking
Add a comma
,speaking
show examples
 it is false
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because every child is different. In any
case
Add a comma
,case
show examples
 transport is important. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
 I want to tell you about
hookies
Correct your spelling
cookies
.
Bus
Add an article
The bus
A bus
show examples
 will check to
children
 learn to
school
. They won’t let
pass
Correct pronoun usage
them pass
show examples
school
 without
valid
Add an article
a valid
show examples
 reason. In a nutshell, schoolboys will study. I hope that we heard me and will make
decision
Add an article
a decision
the decision
show examples
. That’s all I wanted to say about
school
 and transport.
Submitted by dulskywork on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: