IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The number of overweight and unhealthy children in developed country is increasing, and many people think that this is linked to diet and lifestyle. What are the reasons for this increase and what can be done to reduce the problem?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In these
Change preposition
These
show examples
 days, the rate of overweight
children
Use synonyms
 and unhealthy
problems
Use synonyms
 is rising, especially in developed countries.
This
Linking Words
 essay will outline the reasons and solutions to reduce the problem.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there are some reasons caused overweight and unhealthy
children
Use synonyms
. Eating fast
food
Use synonyms
 is the main factor. Fast
food
Use synonyms
 is poor in terms of nutrition and contains many harmful ingredients,
such
Linking Words
 as high sugar, salt, and fat in fast
food
Use synonyms
. For
this
Linking Words
 reason,
children
Use synonyms
 who eat fast
food
Use synonyms
 every time tend to gain more weight than other
children
Use synonyms
 who eat various types of foods as well as snacks. Snacks
such
Linking Words
 as candy are
also
Linking Words
 poor in terms of nutrition, and it has a high level of sugar which causes diabetes.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
activities
Use synonyms
 of
children
Use synonyms
 have changed a lot.
For example
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 used to play outdoors with their friends, but today
activities
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as computer games and TV programs are coming to replace outdoor
activities
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, there are some solutions that could help to reduce the
problems
Use synonyms
. Family should look after their
children
Use synonyms
’s diets to avoid unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, families must select healthy
food
Use synonyms
 for their
children
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of giving them fast
food
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, school meals must provide only healthy
food
Use synonyms
 and not let students eat unhealthy snacks.
In addition
Linking Words
, the Family should advise their
children
Use synonyms
 to exercise.
For example
Linking Words
, outdoor and sports
activities
Use synonyms
.
Consequently
Linking Words
, these three solutions could help reduce unhealthy and overweight
problems
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, it can be seen that fast
food
Use synonyms
 and some
activities
Use synonyms
 are causes of the increasing number of unhealthy and overweight
children
Use synonyms
. I believe that family habits in both
children
Use synonyms
’s diets and
activities
Use synonyms
 could prevent the risk of future health
problems
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: