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Band 5.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #level #sugars #health #people #sugar
Concerning medical problems
such
 as diabetes,some people believe that food that contains a lot of
sugar
 should be sold at higher prices to reduce
sugar
 consumption. I personally,
however
, disagree with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
such
 an opinion, because it is not practical to decide how much the
price
 should be raised for each product, and because the effect of
price
 change would be limited similar to other highly taxed commodities
such
 as tobacco.
First
 of all,
as
Correct word choice
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there
are
Change the verb form
is
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wide
Add an article
a wide
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 range of sugary products,
and
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apply
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the amount of
sugar
 contained in them differs significantly from
a
Correct article usage
apply
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product to product.
Therefore
, it is extremely difficult to determine the method of
price
 adjusting.
For example
, cold drink
such
 as coke contains relatively much
sugar
 in the
ammount
Correct your spelling
amount
, whereas the percentage of
sugar
 is not higher as water dilutes it.
On the other hand
, the proportion of sweet ingredients in candy is high, even though the gram of
sugar
 for each candy is minimal. If the government taxed in accordance with the amount of
sugar
, we could not buy seven-up at the vending machine because of the sharp
price
 raising, but it is not acceptable for not only many big beverage companies, but
also
 general consumers.
Secondly
, as can be seen in the cigarette industry,
price
 raising might not make
Add an article
the
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result as expected. In spite of several tax increases, smokers never stop going to tobacco shops because they can not quit smoking. Like nicotine in tobacco,
sugar
 has an addictive effect, so people would continue to buy sweet snacks despite significant raising in
price
 or imposing
the
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apply
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high taxes. In summary, the proposal to
raising
Wrong verb form
raise
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 the
price
 of sweets is not practical and effective. Nowadays, more and more people are caring about their health
,
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 and improving their diet by eating more proteins or vegetables. To reduce serious health concerns by
consumption
Correct article usage
the consumption
show examples
 of
sugar
, continual education regarding healthy lifestyles is the most essential.
Submitted by t.watanabe on

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
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    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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