IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people think that every individual is responsible for their own healthy lifestyle. Other believe that governments should take care of it. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #lifestyle #governments #care
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As a
people
Use synonyms
 can not ignore what is
Correct your spelling
happening
hapening
Correct your spelling
happening
 in the world. There are a lot of problems or opposition
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
.
Abortion
Use synonyms
 is one of them.
This
Linking Words
 situation is bringing
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
different thoughts.
People
Use synonyms
 support
abortion
Use synonyms
 who prefer to live with freedom. According to these
people
Use synonyms
 , every person can be free and they can do what they want
do
Add the particle
to do
show examples
. That's why they support it can be illegal.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, other
people
Use synonyms
 support that aborting should be legal.
Beside
Change preposition
Besides
show examples
that
Add a comma
,that
show examples
 they defend the opinion
Correct your spelling
that
thet
Correct your spelling
that
 it should
known
Change the verb form
be known
show examples
 by
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 or hospital. It should
be register
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register
show examples
 all
abottion
Correct your spelling
abortion
 records.
Linking Words
Otherwise
Add a comma
,Otherwise
show examples
 government will struggle with
this
Linking Words
 problem. At the same time during the
abortion
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 women can kill if
they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
abortion
Use synonyms
illegal
Add a missing verb
is illegal
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 is the most important thing about
this
Linking Words
 situation.
According to me
Change preposition
Me
show examples
, I am supporting all legal ways.
People
Use synonyms
 should not do anything
out of
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apply
show examples
legal. Especially
like
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
situations
Fix the agreement mistake
situation
show examples
. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 every health operation would be
dangereous
Correct your spelling
dangerous
 without less equipment. If
people
Use synonyms
 go to
hospital
Add an article
the hospital
a hospital
show examples
 for
Use synonyms
abortion
Correct article usage
an abortion
show examples
 there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a lot of equipment. But illegal ways can bring
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 about
aquipment
Correct your spelling
equipment
 or place. We can see a lot of
examlpes
Correct your spelling
examples
arround
Correct your spelling
around
.
For instance
Linking Words
, one lady died who wanted to do
Use synonyms
abortion
Fix the agreement mistake
abortions
show examples
illegal
Change the word
illegally
show examples
 ways because of lost blood. There
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 no equipment where used for
abortion
Use synonyms
 in
building
Add an article
the building
a building
show examples
.
As a result
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 lives are really important.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
 all rules or laws for
people
Use synonyms
. That's why, if everything it would be under the record, it would
be follow
Change the verb form
be followed
show examples
 by the government or hospitals.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventative care
  • lifestyle diseases
  • public health policies
  • healthcare accessibility
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • nutritional information
  • government intervention
  • health education programs
  • public health campaigns
  • personal accountability
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