IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

With pressure on today's young people to succeed academically, some people believe that non-academic subjects should be removed from the syllabus so that children can concentrate wholly on academic subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#pressure #people #subjects #syllabus #children
It is an undeniable fact that " Education is the most powerful weapon that can be used to change the world ." Owing to
this
 , it is a debatable issue that other curriculum
subjects
 must be removed from the syllabus of scholars so that they can focus more on academics due to the increase in their desire to succeed in their studies . I partly accord with
this
 statement . In
this
 essay , I will discuss both views before deriving a meaningful conclusion. To commence with, there are multifarious merits of studying academic
subjects
 . The most prominent one is as currently jobs are offered to individuals having good grades . To explicate, large companies offer vacancies to people who have completed their education at renowned universities and
also
 to the masses who pass with flying Colors .
Consequently
, inhabitants get white-collar jobs with handsome salaries . Another pre-eminent pro is to stand alone from others in non-academic fields . To be more specific, in
this
 contemporary era , it becomes difficult for the masses to represent themselves in distinct fields .
Thus
 , it is somehow easy to get jobs after pursuing graduation . On the paradoxical side , there are certain merits of pursuing other curriculum
subjects
 . The most pertinent one is the development of soft skills . Categorically discussing, some individuals have interest in other fields which help in development co-operation and co-ordination skills .
For instance
 , when people play sports team spirit develops in them . Ergo , they become
an ideal citizens
Correct the article-noun agreement
ideal citizens
an ideal citizen
show examples
 of the nation . To recapitulate, after sifting through both views it can be stated that studying academics and non-academic
subjects
 have their own importance. Howbeit,whatever the masses want to opt they must perform it with full dedication .
Submitted by jashanjotaulakh49 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: