IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment-doing things they like to do-rather than doing things they should do. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

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It is often argued that people nowadays are looking to spend more time on their personal enjoyment rather than focusing on their other important needs to develop themselves. I completely agree with
this
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 opinion and think
this
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 is the existing situation.
Firstly
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, I believe that social media affects all people's aspects of life and decisions by performing marketing campaigns which deceive them
to buy
Change preposition
into buying
show examples
 products, they do not really need
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. But in sharp contrast to that, consumers can live without it. Firms are doing
this
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 to ensure keeping their revenue high and sustainable.
For example
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, the vast majority of people are planning to visit restaurants and try new food across their hometown and they may travel to do the same, rather than focusing on their personal development like learning a new skill. Why they are doing
this
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? Because someone they are following on social media influences them to do so. And it goes without saying
this
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 is
paid
Correct article usage
a paid
show examples
 job for influencers on social media.
Secondly
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, human beings usually look for
easy
Correct article usage
an easy
show examples
 life rather than facing challenges.
This
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 is human nature;
although
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 hardships are supporting in building a better lifestyle.
Moreover
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, if you play any kind of sports, you will have a healthier body for a happier lifestyle.
For instance
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, nowadays if any man has two options whether to walk a short distance or take a cab, most of us will choose the latter option. So,
this
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 feeling is a dominant one and supports the reason why we are spending more time on our recreation rather than developing ourselves.
To conclude
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, I strongly believe that spending more time on personal enjoyment is the current case for the new era because humans usually look for a bright and easy life, than a successful one.

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Task Response
Task Response: The essay addresses the prompt but lacks depth and development of ideas. Provide more detailed and specific examples to support the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. The main points are not effectively supported and the essay lacks overall coherence and logical structure. Focus on providing a clear and well-structured introduction, supporting the main points effectively, and concluding the essay with a strong summary of the argument.
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