IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In recent years, many governments have brought in laws to ban smoking in public places, such as bars, restaurants and offices. To what extent do you agree or disagree with banning smoking in public places?

The massive responsibility of making a society a better place to live rests on the shoulders of high-ranking officials.
While
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 some argue that the
government
Use synonyms
 should impose some strict rules on smoking in public places, I partially disagree with
this
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 viewpoint. In my view, equality goes a long way in the world of humans. On the one hand, smoking makes a significant contribution to the development of some respiratory diseases.
According to
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 research conducted by a top-rated university in my country, Iran, smoking cigarettes poses a threat not only to the lives of smokers but
also
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 to the lives of those who are around them.
As a result
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,
this
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 is the massive burden of the
government
Use synonyms
 to pass laws to deter individuals from smoking in public places,
such
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 as restaurants, subways, and even hospitals.
On the other hand
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, everybody has the right to live freely. The number of people who are addicted to smoking has increased significantly because of the level of stress that residents have to carry
due to
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 the pace of urban life.
Therefore
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, if we put pressure on them to avoid doing
such
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 a thing, they may tend to engage in antisocial behaviour,
such
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 as tension, aggression, and even anxiety, because they get used to smoking to stop themselves from feeling stressed in urban areas.
Moreover
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, the authorities should prioritise everyone's interest, not only ordinary people but
also
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 unusual ones. In
this
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 way, everybody lives happily.
Hence
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, the
government
Use synonyms
 should allocate some private sector far away from others for those who are interested in smoking, rather than imposing on them to follow strict rules. In conclusion,
although
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 no one dares to deny the negative effects of smoke on others' health, it does not necessarily mean the
government
Use synonyms
 should ignore the minor groups. I strongly believe dedicating separate sections for smokers in public places is the best way to tackle
this
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 issue fairly.

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content
Make your view clear in the intro and keep it the same all through the essay.
coherence
Use simple links to show how thoughts go from one to the next.
content
Add strong reasons for each idea and give one good example.
grammar
Check grammar and fix long, run sentences.
style
Use short, plain words and avoid hard ones.
task response
You state your view and try to talk both sides.
evidence
You give some proof from a real place.
structure
You end with a closing line.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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