Government should focus their spending on public service rather than on arts such as music and painting. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#government #focus #service #arts #music

Authoroties

Correct your spelling

Authorities

should spend their money

for

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show examples

social welfare rather than on

artworks

Fix the agreement mistake

artwork

show examples

. I agree with the

first

view but

arts

Correct article usage

the arts

show examples

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

also

crucial for the development of human beings.

First

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The first

show examples

reason to use

money

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the money

show examples

for

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

public service is that some

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apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

sectors are more important than

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

other

Fix the agreement mistake

others

show examples

For instance

; the health sector

need

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needs

show examples

more investment to provide

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

better service to

public

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the public

show examples

Moreover

Add a comma

,Moreover

show examples

the residential parks

are

Change the verb form

also need

show examples

also

need to equipped properly, so the residents can use those facilities and they will stay fit and healthy. As a consequence,

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society will stay away from

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

diseases and their standard of living will automatically uplift

that

Correct pronoun usage

which

show examples

would be a

contribution

Replace the word

contributing

show examples

Change preposition

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the growth of

economy

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the economy

show examples

However

, the

Correct your spelling

activities

acitvities

Correct your spelling

activities

related to the arts are

similarly

significant in the progress of mental health.

Additionally

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

music and painting

has

Change the verb form

have

show examples

beneficial to show

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

hidden talent because some are good

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show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

crafts. And the most important thing is that nowadays there are a lot of careers

Correct your spelling

available

availble

Correct your spelling

available

in these fields.

As a result

, they would have a better

opporunity

Correct your spelling

opportunity

who are not excellent in

the

Change the word

their

show examples

study. In conclusion,

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

community services are equally essential as the fine arts, so government should encourage

Change preposition

apply

show examples

both of them.

Submitted by gagandeep02071996 on Mon Oct 31 2022

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
36Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

207 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Government should focus their spending on public service rather than on arts such as music and painting. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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