IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the best way to reduce crimes is to apply longer prison sentences, other people think that there are better methods of doing so. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #crimes #prison #sentences #methods
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There are
people
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 who assume the best possible method of crime reduction is prolonging
prison
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 sentences and many others are fans of different ways of punishment. As far as I am concerned, the
second
Linking Words
group
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 have a better point due to the reasons which will be discussed in the following paragraphs. The
first
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group
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 of
people
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 strongly believe a longer
sentence
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 is a practical and beneficial
way
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 of punishment for
criminals
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. These
people
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 maintain the
prison
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sentence
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 is geared
to
Change preposition
toward
show examples
 amending guilty individuals in a proper
way
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. The
criminals
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 are judged in court once and
then
Linking Words
 spend a specific period of time behind bars. The
first
Linking Words
group
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 believes
this
Linking Words
 duration of time has a considerable effect on society and gives a remedy to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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public safety.
On the
Linking Words
contrary
Add a comma
,contrary
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 the
second
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 party firmly maintains that a longer
prison
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sentence
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 should not be considered a flawless method,
however
Linking Words
 keeping wrongdoers in jail will keep them away from society for a while, and it does not have a permanent effect on one’s behaviours and mindset. As we have seen so far in the legal system method, guilty individuals will continue their previous life as soon as their
sentence
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 period has ended.
On the other hand
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, being in
prison
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 paves the
way
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 for
criminals
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 to meet other prisoners and
as a result
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, they will cooperate in evil jobs after the termination of their
sentence
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. Without a shadow of a doubt establishing educational classes and motivational speeches can alter their mindset to choose a better route than the previous one.
In addition
Linking Words
, financial support for sentenced
people
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 to start a new career will be beneficial for their future. There is no denying the fact that gone are the days when the only possible punishment for
criminals
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 was a long
prison
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sentence
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. Making a move to change personalities and attitudes toward a better condition would be more efficient. We should try to nurture autonomous
people
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 who are able to make their lives in
clear
Change the article
a clear
show examples
way
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.
Hence
Linking Words
 due to the reasons which were discussed in previous paragraphs, the
second
Linking Words
group
Use synonyms
 might have a better point of view which they believe longer
prison
Use synonyms
 sentences would not necessarily lead to better
people
Use synonyms
 and
safer
Correct article usage
a safer
show examples
 society with fewer crimes.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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