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Band 5

It is better for people to be unemployed than people to be employed but they do not enjoy it. Do you agree or disagree?

#people
There are
people
 who are employed that don't enjoy their
work
.
Hence
, many argue that those who aren't enjoying their
work
 must leave their
job
.
However
, I disagree with the argument as unemployment of
such
 a level could cause major economic
problems
. Hypothetically speaking, if
people
 were to leave their jobs for the sole reason of it being unenjoyable that would cause major
job
 vacancies impacting both the lives of the
people
 who are employed and enjoy their
work
 and the lives of those who are unemployed.
For example
, firms lose their employees causing a major deficit in the
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 force and the productivity in the businesses incentivizing the aggregate
demand
 of an economy to face a major downturn with consumer spending, investments, government expenditure, and the balance of payments. Once the aggregate
demand
 decreases the business cycle will enter the recessionary stage causing major inflationary
problems
, and
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 in taxes, VAT, and corporate taxes. With both the aggregate
demand
 and the business cycle entering the slump, the standard of living will decrease exponentially with a domino effect.
Therefore
, all the citizens of the domestic economy and the worldwide economy will face major monetary
problems
. Let's take
Amazon
 as an example, a multi-trillion dollar online shopping company. Recently there has been news of an exponential increase in labor turnover of the firm with millions of employees leaving their jobs because of dissatisfaction with the
job
 conditions given to them by
Amazon
. Statistically, by the end of 2025,
this
 major conglomerate business will face bankruptcy as it will not have enough
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 to meet the
demand
 of its consumers because the company will run out of new
people
 to employ. The reason why
this
 will cause major
problems
 economically is that
Amazon
 is one of the biggest employers in the world and when no one is willing to
work
 at
Amazon
 the unemployment rate will climb to all-time highs yet again, facing major economic downturns and a decrease in standard of living. In conclusion, I stand by the fact that
however
 hard the working conditions employees may have, they should still keep working.
As
Correct word choice
This
show examples
this
 problem will be solved on its own, because over time eventually there will be an open
job
 vacancy suited for whoever is not enjoying their
work
.
Submitted by ismailm.amanov on

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task response
Include a clearer position on the issue and provide more balanced arguments to address both sides of the issue.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but the logical structure of the essay could be improved for better flow and coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • transnational problems
  • climate change
  • ozone layer depletion
  • pollution
  • collaborative efforts
  • pooling of resources
  • expertise
  • technology
  • innovative solutions
  • international standards
  • race to the bottom
  • environmental standards
  • capacity
  • impacts
  • national sovereignty
  • independently
  • economic
  • social contexts
  • international consensus
  • legal
  • political systems
  • enforcement
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