IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

You are enrolled in a study abroad course in another country. Your accommodation was arranged by the course provider, and there is a major problem with the accommodation. Write a letter to the course provider. In your letter: Introduce yourself and describe the problem Describe the accommodation you thought you were getting Ask the provider to solve the problem Write at least 150 words. You do NOT need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows: Dear Mr. Gazeley

#study #course #country #accommodation #provider #addresses #mr #gazeley
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Dear Mr. Gazeley, I am writing to inform you about an unfortunate problem that has arisen with my accommodation on campus. My name is Sarah Johnson and I am a newly enrolled student in the English Intensive Course at the Melbourne campus. Unfortunately, since my arrival, I have been unable to enter my apartment
due to
Linking Words
 an electrical issue in building A.
Consequently
Linking Words
, I have booked a room in a youth hostel by myself as I haven't received any assistance yet. To be completely honest, I was expecting to move to building B, as the course provider confirmed me before my departure.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in the package I
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
purchased on the website, it was clearly written that international students
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 stay in the aforementioned compound. Based on the information I have mentioned, I sincerely hope you can find another accommodation for me, as I would like to dedicate my full attention to my
imminent
Correct word choice
upcoming
show examples
 exams. Looking forward to your reply. Yours faithfully, Andrea Grace
Submitted by elena.panaite93 on

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task response
Ensure to explicitly ask the course provider to solve the problem with the accommodation, as per the task prompt.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is clear, but try to improve the use of transition words to enhance coherence and cohesion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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